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LANGUAGE

 

What So Bad About That's So Gay?

That’s So Gay: Lasting Impact on Youth

Slideshow: Respectful & Inclusive

Info: Preferred Gender Pronouns

That’s Go Gay: Microaggressions and the LGBTQ Community

Respectful Workplace: The Power of Words

Info: Archaic Language and Terminology

That’s So Gay: Not So Funny

Brian McNaught: Good Words Bad Words

 

Respectful Language
 

Let’s talk about communication. Words are important. We show respect by choosing the appropriate words and using proper language. It is important to communicate respect and be sensitive to others. We need to avoid verbal mis-steps. And avoid being offensive. Also, it is important to be educated and informed, to display credibility, to sound like we know what we’re talking about. And it’s more than just political correctness. It’s about respect.

 

OFFENSIVE: "homosexual"
PREFERRED: "gay" or "gay man" or "lesbian"

Please use "lesbian" or "gay man" to describe people attracted to members of the same sex. Because of the clinical history of the word "homosexual," it has been adopted by anti-gay extremists to suggest that lesbians and gay men are somehow diseased or psychologically/emotionally disordered - notions discredited by both the American Psychological Association and the American Psychiatric Association in the 1970s. Please avoid using "homosexual" except in direct quotes. Please also avoid using "homosexual" as a style variation simply to avoid repeated use of the word "gay."

OFFENSIVE: "homosexual relations/relationship," "homosexual couple," "homosexual sex"
PREFERRED: "relationship" (or "sexual relationship"), "couple" (or, if necessary, "gay couple"), "sex"

Identifying a same-sex couple as "a homosexual couple," characterizing their relationship as "a homosexual relationship," or identifying their intimacy as "homosexual sex" is offensive and should be avoided. These constructions are frequently used by anti-gay extremists to denigrate gay and lesbian people, couples and relationships. As a rule, try to avoid labeling an activity, emotion or relationship "gay" or "lesbian" unless you would call the same activity, emotion or relationship "straight" if engaged in by someone of another sexual orientation. In most cases, your readers, viewers or listeners will be able to discern people's genders and/or sexual orientations through the names of the parties involved your depictions of their relationships, and your use of pronouns.

 

OFFENSIVE: "sexual preference"
PREFERRED: "sexual orientation"

The phrase "sexual preference" is generally used to suggest that being lesbian or gay is a choice and therefore "curable." The term "sexual orientation" is the accurate description of an individual's enduring physical, romantic, emotional and/or spiritual attraction to members of the same and/or opposite sex and is inclusive of lesbians, gay men, bisexuals and heterosexual men and women.

OFFENSIVE: "gay lifestyle" or "homosexual lifestyle"
PREFERRED: "lesbian" or "gay"

There is no single lesbian or gay lifestyle. Lesbians and gay men are diverse in the ways they lead their lives. The phrase "gay lifestyle" is used to denigrate lesbians and gay men, suggesting that their sexual orientation is a choice and therefore "curable."

OFFENSIVE: "admitted homosexual" or "avowed homosexual”
PREFERRED: "openly lesbian" or "openly gay"

Dated term used to describe those who are openly lesbian or gay or who have recently come out of the closet. The words "admitted" or "avowed" suggest that being a lesbian or gay man is somehow shameful or inherently secretive. Avoid the use of the word "homosexual" in either case.

 

OFFENSIVE: "gay agenda" or "homosexual agenda"
PREFERRED: "lesbian and gay civil rights movement" or "lesbian and gay movement"

 

Lesbians and gay men are as diverse in our political beliefs as other communities. Our commitment to equal rights is one we share with civil rights advocates who are not necessarily lesbian or gay. "Lesbian and gay movement" accurately describes the historical effort to achieve understanding and equal treatment for gays and lesbians. Notions of a "homosexual agenda" are rhetorical inventions of anti-gay extremists seeking to portray as sinister the lesbian and gay civil rights movement.

OFFENSIVE: "special rights"
PREFERRED: "equal rights" or "equal protection"

Anti-gay extremists frequently characterize civil rights and equal protection of the law for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Americans as "special rights" in an attempt to energize opposition to anti-discrimination and equal opportunity laws.
 

OFFENSIVE: "fag," "faggot," "dyke," "homo," "queen," "she-male," "he-she," "it," "tranny" and similar epithets.

The criteria for using these derogatory terms should be the same as those applied to hate words for other groups: they should not be used except in a direct quote which reveals the bias of the person quoted. So that such words are not given credibility in the media, it is preferred that reporters say, "The person used a derogatory word for a lesbian, gay man or transgender person."

 



OFFENSIVE: "deviant," "disordered," "dysfunctional," "diseased," "perverted," "destructive" and similar descriptions.
 

The notion that being gay or lesbian is a psychological disorder was discredited by the American Psychological Association and the American Psychiatric Association in the 1970s. Today, words such as "deviant," "diseased" and "disordered" often are used to portray lesbians and gay men as less than human, mentally ill, or as a danger to society. Words such as these should be avoided in stories about the lesbian and gay community. If they must be used, they should be quoted directly in a way that reveals the bias of the person being quoted.

OFFENSIVE: Associating gay men, lesbians, same-sex relationships or homosexuality with pedophilia, child sexual abuse, bestiality, bigamy, polygamy, adultery and incest.
 

Homosexuality and/or being gay is not synonymous with pedophilia, child sexual abuse, bestiality, bigamy, polygamy, adultery and/or incest. These associations often are used to suggest that lesbians and gay men pose a threat to society, to families, and to children in particular. Such suggestions are defamatory and should be avoided, except in a direct quote which reveals the bias of the person quoted.

 

What So Bad About That's So Gay?

That’s So Gay: Lasting Impact on Youth

Info: Deadnaming

Slideshow: Respectful & Inclusive

That’s Go Gay: Microaggressions and the LGBTQ Community

Info: Preferred Gender Pronouns

Respectful Workplace: The Power of Words

Info: Archaic Language and Terminology

That’s So Gay: Not So Funny

Brian McNaught: Good Words Bad Words

Ally Tips: Respectful Language

 

Talking About Marriage

GOOD: Gay Marriage

BETTER: Same Sex Marriage

BEST: Marriage Equality

 

As gay and lesbian couples begin getting married, some may struggle with the appropriate words to use to refer to the wedding ceremony that is taking place or the marriage relationship that is beginning.  You may hear confusion from someone who is sincerely trying to understand this new concept.  They may even ask, “So, which one’s the groom and which one’s the bride?”

 

 

It is appropriate, of course, to refer to the ceremony or the occasion as simply a “wedding” or a “marriage” like any other wedding or marriage.  There is no need to differentiate. 

 

However, the term “Gay Marriage” is respectful.  Using the term “Same Sex Marriage” shows greater knowledge of the subject.  Using the term “Marriage Equality” shows a deeper understanding of what it means and why it is important.

 

That's So Gay

"That's so gay! I hate that phrase so much. Especially when the word "gay" in that context is synonymous with stupid or dumb. Those who say that phrase are nothing but ignorant numbskulls with no sense of vocabulary and true understanding of its actual definition. I know several homosexual people who are by no means truly stupid and what-not. Though those several are not completely representative of the entire homosexual population, you cannot suddenly misuse a word and twist its definition to mean something entirely different. It is simply wrong and proves what kind of uneducated idiot you are."
-Gayle Quan/San Francisco, California

 

"When you say that's so gay to mean dumb and stupid, that's pretty insulting.  Knock it off!"

-Wanda Sykes

 

"That's so gay" has been part of the adolescent lexicon for some time, but a new University of Michigan study has revealed the phrase could have deep consequences for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) students. Published in the Journal of American College Health, and reported by CBS Detroit, the study reportedly examined the impact of hearing "that's so gay" among 114 LGBTQ students between the ages of 18 and 25.

 



The resulting data found that LGBTQ students who heard the phrase frequently were more likely to feel isolated and experience headaches, poor appetite or eating problems than those who didn't. Still, the study also revealed another troubling statistic: a mere 14 respondents (13 percent) hadn't heard "that's so gay" at all throughout the duration of the survey.

"Given the nature of gay-lesbian-bisexual stigma, sexual minority students could already perceive themselves to be excluded on campus and hearing 'that's so gay' may elevate such perceptions," Michael Woodford, an assistant professor of social work and co-author of the new study, said in a statement. "'That's so gay' conveys that there is something wrong with being gay." Woodford went on to suggest, "Policies and educational programs are needed to help students, staff and faculty to understand that such language can be harmful to gay students. Hopefully, these initiatives will help to eliminate the phrase from campuses."

In 2007, the phrase was at the epicenter of a controversial lawsuit, after a California teen's parents claimed their daughter's First Amendment rights had been violated after she was disciplined by her high school for uttering the phrase, which "enjoys widespread currency in youth culture," to classmates who were allegedly taunting her for her Mormon upbringing, according to court documents cited by the Associated Press.

 

What So Bad About That's So Gay?

That’s So Gay: Lasting Impact on Youth

Info: Preferred Gender Pronouns

Slideshow: Respectful & Inclusive

That’s Go Gay: Microaggressions and the LGBTQ Community

Respectful Workplace: The Power of Words

Info: Archaic Language and Terminology

That’s So Gay: Not So Funny

Brian McNaught: Good Words Bad Words

Info: Deadnaming

 

 

Transgender Terms and Labels

Let's talk about some outdated, inaccurate, or offensive gender identity terms. Although some people may use the following terms to describe their own gender, most of the labels below range from out-of-date to offensive.

OFFENSIVE:  Gender Identity Disorder (or GID)
PREFERRED:  Gender Dysphoria

OFFENSIVE:  Hermaphrodite
PREFERRED:  Intersex

OFFENSIVE:  Pre-Operative, Post-Operative (Pre-Op, Post-Op) 

 

It is considered offensive to inquire about a transgender person’s surgical status. And it is inappropriate to talk about a transgender person’s pre-operative or post-operative situation or how far they are in their transition. A person is still considered to be transgender whether they have undergone surgery or not.

 

Focusing on whether someone has had surgery can be considered invasive or a violation of someone’s privacy. Also many transgender people don’t want (or don’t have access to) surgeries that would change their body. Lastly, there are a variety of other ways transgender people transition besides sex reassignment surgery.


OFFENSIVE:  Sex Change Operation
PREFERRED:  Sex Reassignment Surgery (SRS) or Gender Affirming Surgery

OFFENSIVE:  Shemale
 

This is an offensive term for a transgender woman, especially one who has had medical treatment for her breasts, but still has a penis. This term may be used by sex-workers or within the porn industry.

OFFENSIVE:  Tranny
 

While some transgender people use the word Tranny to describe their gender, most find it highly offensive and consider it a derogatory slur.

OFFENSIVE:  Transgendered
 

Adding -ed to the end of transgender isn’t grammatically correct. You wouldn’t say that someone is gayed, womaned, or Latinoed. Similarly you wouldn’t call someone transgendered.

OFFENSIVE:  Transsexual
 

This is an older (outdated) term for people whose gender identities don’t match the sex that was assigned at birth and who desire and/or seek to transition to bring their bodies into alignment with their gender identities. Some use the term (inappropriately) to label a transgender person who has undergone sex reassignment surgery. Some people find this term offensive, others do not. Only refer to someone as transsexual if they tell you that’s how they identify.

 

 

OFFENSIVE:  Misgendering / Deadnaming
PREFERRED:  Using Preferred Pronouns / Using Preferred Name

People who are transgender or gender variant experience some sense of discomfort and dysphoria in having to deal with the mismatch of their external presentation with their internal feelings regarding being male or female. To cope with those feelings… and to affirm their true gender… they may choose a new name along with a new pronoun that more accurately expresses their identity.

A male who identifies as female, for example, may, in addition to wearing women’s clothing and make-up, choose a female-sounding name and prefer to be addressed as she and her.

For people who are transgender or gender variant, the simple act by another person of using a preferred pronoun or preferred name can make a big difference. It is a profound display of respect.

“Deadnaming” occurs when someone intentionally or accidentally refers to a transgender person by the name they used before they transitioned. “Misgendering” occurs when someone intentionally or accidentally refers to a transgender person by the pronoun they used before they transitioned.
 

Transgender Terms and Labels

Five Things Not to Say to a Trans Person

GLAAD: Transgender Terminology

Gender and Gender Identity

Respectful Language

Trans Terms You Should Know

Glossary of Transgender Terminology

Ally Tips: Respectful Language

 

 

Microaggressions

 

“People who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer (LGBTQ) experience subtle forms of discrimination, also known as microaggressions. Microaggressions are commonplace interactions that occur in a wide variety of social settings, including school or the workplace, among friends and family, and even among other LGBTQ people. These accumulated experiences are associated with feelings of victimization, suicidal thinking, and higher rates of substance abuse, depression, and other health problems among members of the LGBTQ community.”

-Dr. Kevin Nadal

 

Beyond Political Correctness

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
-Nursery Rhyme

“Sticks and stones will break our bones, but words will break our hearts.”
-Robert Fulghum

According to Wikipedia: "Political correctness is a term which denotes language, ideas, policies, and behavior seen as seeking to minimize social and institutional offense in occupational, gender, racial, cultural, sexual orientation, certain other religions, beliefs or ideologies, disability, and age-related contexts. To be politically incorrect connotes language, ideas, and behavior unconstrained by a perceived orthodoxy or by concerns about offending or expressing bias regarding various groups of people."

Choosing the right words is a good start in acting with civility. It is important to be sensitive to others and avoid using offensive language or hurtful words. The words we used have an impact on other people and can cause harm. So, out of a genuine sense of caring and compassion, and not simply because we want to be "politically correct," we should seek to understand others and communicate with respect.
 

 

According to research done by counselor Courtney East, there is a distinction between "political correctness" and "inclusivity." She says the difference is whether the motivation is external or internal. Being "politically correct" is externally driven, behaving in a way that will gain approval from others. It compromises the value of free speech and can be equated with censorship. However, being "inclusive" is internally driven, treating the other person with sensitivity and respect. It's not just about the "Golden Rule," in which you do unto others as you would have them do unto you. It's more about the "Platinum Rule," in which you actually treat the other person better. Using inclusive language is preferred to being politically correct. It is more of a mindset and an attitude that is motivated by a a sincere desire to show respect for others.

In order to establish a helpful and supportive relationship, one must offer positive, unconditional regard, and create an air of acceptance. That means using respectful and inclusive language all the time and with everyone. That means (at minimum) getting comfortable with the right words and the proper language. We have the opportunity to choose language that promotes self-acceptance with the LGBTQ people we interact with and also models respect and fairness for others.
 

Where words hurt, civility heals. According to the Civility Project, "We build a stronger and more diverse community by actively sharing our ideas and opinions with others in thoughtful and considerate ways. By practicing this basic commitment to civility, we learn and grow from one another, even in disagreement." They offer these tips:

--Pay Attention – Be aware of others, be sensitive to the immediate context of actions
--Listen Closely – Understand other points of view
--Be Inclusive – Welcome all, don't exclude anyone
--Don't Gossip – Do not talk about others in their absence, do not spread rumors
--Show Respect – Honor others, especially in disagreement
--Be Agreeable – Find opportunities to agree
--Apologize Sincerely – Repair damaged relationships
--Give Feedback - Constructive comments and suggestions only, no personal attacks
--Accept Responsibility – Don't shift blame, share disagreements publicly


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