Queer Cafe

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Gratitude for Allies

Thanksgiving is an occasion to express gratitude, and within the LGBTQ community, this includes acknowledging and appreciating the allies who have supported the cause of equality. Allies play a crucial role in fostering understanding and acceptance, and their support is celebrated alongside the achievements of the LGBTQ community. Thanksgiving serves as a moment to strengthen these bonds and build bridges between diverse groups.

Cultural Celebrations

Thanksgiving celebrations in the LGBTQ community may also incorporate elements of queer culture. From drag performances to LGBTQ-themed decorations, these celebrations provide an opportunity to express creativity and individuality. Embracing one's identity and cultural heritage adds a unique and colorful dimension to the Thanksgiving festivities within the LGBTQ community.

Celebrating Thanksgiving in the LGBTQ community goes beyond the traditional gatherings and feasts. It is a time to honor diversity, embrace chosen families, reflect on progress, express gratitude for allies, and celebrate the richness of queer culture. As the LGBTQ community continues to advocate for acceptance and equality, Thanksgiving becomes a poignant reminder of the importance of love, understanding, and gratitude in fostering a more inclusive society.

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Turkey Time

Fall Greetings! Autumnal Wishes! Harvest Time!

Thanksgiving ushers in the high holy days of autumn as the air becomes chilly and leaves continue to turn the colors of the rainbow. Bonfires and hayrides abound. Harvest themes replete with cornstalks, scarecrows, and horns of plenty adorn porches and yards. Wearing flannel and cuddling under a blanket while sipping hot chocolate or hot apple cider is the favorite activity of couples. And pumpkin pies and everything pumpkin spice is all around.

It's time to watch parades and football games and go shopping for all those after-Thanksgiving Day discounts.

But, mostly, it's time for a big Thanksgiving Day feast with family or friends, during which you overeat to your heart's content. Everyone gathers for an event that features so much food, you simply can't control your appetite. The star of the show is, of course, the turkey. Accompanying the grand bird is cornbread dressing, mashed potatoes and gravy, candied yams, cranberry sauce, corn, macaroni and cheese, green bean casserole, yeast rolls, and of course pumpkin pie (or maybe pecan pie).

And it's a time to give thanks. It's the season that inspires thoughts of gratitude and asks you to consider what you are grateful for in your life.

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Thanksgiving Day Traditions

Fall, Family, Food, Football, Floats

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, a time for food, family, friends, and being thankful. Originating as a harvest festival, Thanksgiving is one of the biggest holidays in the US. People across the country gather together to share a meal and reflect on all the things they’re grateful for. But there’s much more to do during this beautiful time of giving thanks than just eating. From parades to shopping, family time to football, Thanksgiving is celebrated in a wide variety of ways.

Watch the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade....
The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade is now of the most famous holiday traditions. In New York City, thousands of people line the streets of Manhattan to watch. This particular parade is known for its giant inflatable balloons that float between the skyscrapers, high above the onlookers.

Break the wishbone for good luck...
It may sound silly, but this is a real thing! After carving the turkey, the wishbone, a Y-shaped bone that carries much superstition, gets set aside to dry. Once the meal is over, two people make their wishes and break the wishbone. Whoever ends up with the bigger piece is said to have their wish come true and good luck for the upcoming year.

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Eat a traditional Thanksgiving meal....
No Thanksgiving Day would be complete without the traditional meal. Must-eats are: roast turkey, cranberry sauce, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, and sweet potatoes and Brussels sprouts. Green bean casserole has become a popular dish, especially in the Midwest. Completing the meal is, of course, pumpkin pie for dessert.

Take a nap...
After an afternoon filled with cooking and eating delicious food, many retreat to the couch for a mid-day nap. Turkey is well known as the culprit of this sudden onset of sleepiness, with its high levels of the amino acid tryptophan. While tryptophan is known to help release chemicals like melatonin (which makes you drowsy), it’s not entirely the turkey’s fault. Eating other foods that are high in sugar (like pie) also increase your tiredness. But with all the business of the holiday, everyone deserves some rest!

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Share what you’re most thankful for...
Thanksgiving is a perfect time to reflect on the year alongside family and friends. Whether it’s during the meal or while relaxing later in the day, go around the room and share something you’re especially grateful for. It’s wonderful to hear everyone talk about their favorite moments and experiences from the previous year.

Watch a football game...
Football is the most popular US sport to watch. And Thanksgiving is one of the biggest football watching days. Families and friends gather around to watch their favorite teams compete.

Be grateful for Friendsgiving...
Because most people celebrate Thanksgiving with their families, dedicating time to give thanks with friends has become equally important. Friends gathering together, aptly called “Friendsgiving,” is a newer tradition. It’s a time to share a meal and enjoy each other’s company before traveling home to join family.

Run a turkey trot...
It may seem counterintuitive (or genius) to run a race on America’s biggest food holiday, but turkey trots have become a popular trend on Thanksgiving Day. From 5K fun runs to half marathons, these races bring out runners, walkers and fans in local communities. It’s a fun way to earn and burn the calories consumed during the Thanksgiving meal.

Shop ’til you drop on Black Friday...
Stores all across the country have some of their biggest sales the day after Thanksgiving. It is the official beginning of the Christmas season. Now known as Black Friday, this day is almost a holiday in itself. While this shopping tradition has changed with the rise of e-commerce, people still stand in line for hours early in the morning to get great discounts and start their Christmas shopping.

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Friendsgiving: Cultural Flourishing, Not Cultural Decay

What is Friendsgiving?

Thanksgiving With Friends

Friendsgiving is a feast with friends held on or around Thanksgiving Day. It's a casual celebration where friends gather to eat, socialize, and show gratitude for one another, often organized as a potluck where each person brings a dish.

Gathering of friends... The name combines "friends" and "Thanksgiving" to describe a holiday meal with your chosen family.

Potluck-style meal... It's often organized with a shared spreadsheet for guests to sign up for dishes to avoid duplicate food and make it easier on the host.

Celebratory meal... Like Thanksgiving, it often features traditional dishes like turkey, stuffing, and pie, but it also provides an opportunity to get creative with new recipes.

Social event... It can be a more relaxed, low-stress way to celebrate the holiday, especially for those who cannot travel home for Thanksgiving or want to have a separate meal with friends.

For some Thanksgiving celebrations, friends are family...

It's called Friendsgiving, a gathering of friends over a Thanksgiving feast. Breaking out the slow cooker doesn't have to mean Mom is in town. Usually the host makes a turkey and guests bring sides, potluck-style. It often promises many of the usual traditional dishes, sweet potato casserole and pie included, but it can be a time to break culinary traditions.

Friendsgiving might have started among college students or coworkers who didn't have a place to go or ability to travel home for the holiday. But, Friendsgiving now can also mean a time to share a meal with friends in addition to Thanksgiving with family. Friendsgivings also might not happen on Thanksgiving day, but simply near the holiday.

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Thankful To Be Queer

The LGBTQ community will always feel like a family to me. It will always feel like home.

I usually feel weird about celebrating a controversial holiday like Thanksgiving. However, while I am contesting the holiday, I am certainly not knocking the sentiment behind it, which is about giving thanks to those you love and cherish. And being that I generally express my genuine gratitude as much as I can throughout the year, I naturally leave it to Thanksgiving Day to get real silly and creative with my notions of queer gratitude.

In previous years, once it reached my turn to give thanks about the feast-filled table, I have been shamelessly guilty of making sharp-witted statements like “I’m thankful to be gay," primarily because I wanted to be the utmost sincere and partially because I was looking to get a rise out of my parents. There good reasons why I am so very thankful to be queer, especially now.

I’m A Lover, Not A Fighter

I firmly believe that love makes the world go ‘round, so it only makes sense that I am now a part of the group of people who will die on the “love is love” hill. Quite honestly, I’ve never found much of a reason to subscribe to hate and always found that it took way less energy being nice and compassionate to people. And so, having this kind of disposition, I feel like I’ve been able to have eminent, worthwhile interactions with people (from loved ones to strangers) during this pivotal time in history, in which I think we should all be doing more to try to understand one another.

You Live, You Learn, You Keep Learning

If there’s anything these chaotic times have taught us, it’s that there is A lot we do not know. As everyone has been doing a lot of unlearning and learning this year, I’d be remiss not to note how willing and open the queer community usually is to learning new things. As a Black and queer woman, I am always exploring the intersectionality of different subjects, including myself, and find that many other people in the LGBTQ+ community are as well. I feel like now, especially, we are finding more ways to stay united and be in solidarity with one another, which requires an even deeper understanding of power, privilege, and identity, along with an awareness of some ways in which we may all be different as a community as opposed to the same. For instance, while I may not have many privileges as a Black lesbian, I do have the privileges of being cis, thin, and non-disabled and have learned a whole lot about how I can utilize those particular privileges of mine to help even more disenfranchised people in my community.

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Family Forever

The LGBTQ community will always feel like a family to me. It will always feel like home. I am so thankful for the way this community has embraced me and appreciate how much I’ve grown and embraced others in return. This isn’t to say that my cis heterosexual friends are not amazing and always there for me to lean on, but I have found that I am the closest with my queer friends because I relate to them the most. It was my lovely queer group of peers that helped me get through the hardest parts of college and other major life events. And I truly don’t know what my soft sapphic soul would’ve done without them (probably cry over my ex-girlfriend for six months straight instead of just two, is what I would guess). Anyways, like many families, the community does have its own problems it needs to work out and is working out, but for the most part, this gay ass community subscribes to love and understanding!

While having a sense of community and belonging is super important, I believe that being different is also super fun. I actually am really glad that I am me and that there’s no one like me at the end of the day. Being gay has only helped me early on in becoming comfortable in my own skin and learning to let my individualism flow freely. I enjoy having quirky perspectives and experiencing the world in my own unique way. I’d just simply get too bored with life if I was ordinary.

Happy Thanksgiving, queers!

[Source: Ashley Johnson, Go Mag]

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Finding Thanksgiving Joy

Friendsgiving... Chosen Families... Inclusivity...

Thanksgiving holds a complex and often personal significance for the LGBTQ community, with celebrations ranging from navigating difficult family dynamics to building chosen families. For many, Thanksgiving is a time of both traditional gratitude and the creation of an inclusive "queer family," often through "Friendsgiving" gatherings, where they can celebrate acceptance and authentic self-expression. However, some within the community may experience anxiety, especially when their family is not supportive, and must find alternative ways to cope, such as connecting with friends or focusing on queer joy.

Navigating traditional family settings

Difficult dynamics: For those with unsupportive families, Thanksgiving can be a time of significant stress and anxiety, particularly if they are closeted or have a history of rejection.

Finding moments of joy: To cope, some individuals focus on finding moments of queer joy, whether through connecting with friends virtually, watching queer media together, or simply finding strength in their own identity.

Coming out: For some, the holiday can provide an opportunity to come out to family, especially because it is secular and involves re-visiting one's past self.

Creating chosen families and Friendsgivings

The rise of Friendsgiving: In response to potential rejection, the concept of "Friendsgiving" has become a vital alternative for many, where friends who have become a "chosen family" gather to celebrate.

Celebrating inclusivity: These gatherings are often a chance to celebrate diversity and create an environment of acceptance where everyone can be their authentic selves without fear of judgment.

Historical roots: This tradition of queer community Thanksgiving gatherings dates back to at least 1971, highlighting a long history of creating community and a sense of belonging outside of traditional structures.

Broader perspectives

Remembering historical context: Some members of the community, particularly Two-Spirit and LGBTQ Native Americans, view the holiday differently, recognizing the historical context of persecution that the traditional narrative often overlooks.

Acknowledging all experiences: The LGBTQ experience with Thanksgiving is not monolithic. It is important to acknowledge that for some, it is a chance to celebrate gratitude with a supportive "chosen family," while for others it is a complex reminder of a history that continues to be painful.

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