Queer Cafe

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Love is Respect

Domestic Violence is an LGBTQ Issue

Sexual Assault and the LGBTQ Community
Cost of Living Crisis Forcing More LGBTQ Abuse Victims to Stay With Abusers

Violence Against Women Act Expands Services to LGBTQ Survivors

Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Youth Raped and Abused by Dates More Often

Domestic Violence in Same Sex Relationships

Myths About LGBTQ Domestic Violence
Intimate Partner Violence

National Coalition of Anti-Violence Program

Washington Post: Violence and Abuse in LGBTQ Relationships is Common

Trans Men and Domestic Abuse

Love is Respect: Healthy LGBTQ Relationships

Broken: Song by Kim Petras

Same Sex Violence and Abuse

Domestic violence in the LGBTQ community is a serious issue. The rates of domestic violence in same-gender relationships is roughly the same as domestic violence against heterosexual women. As in opposite-gendered couples, the problem is likely underreported. Facing a system which is often oppressive and hostile towards those who identify as anything other than "straight", those involved in same-gender battering frequently report being afraid of revealing their sexual orientation or the nature of their relationship.

Additionally, even those who attempt to report violence in their alterative relationship run into obstacles. Police officers, prosecutors, judges and others to whom a LGBTQ victim may turn to for help may have difficulty in providing the same level of service as to a heterosexual victim. Not only might personal attitudes towards the LGBTQ community come into play, but these providers may have inadequate levels of experience and training to work with LGBTQ victims and flimsy or non-existent laws to enforce on behalf of the victim.

Although much advancement has been made in the provision of services, the enforcement of the law, and the equality of protections available to those in LGBTQ relationships over the last decade, it is important for you to be aware of your rights and options as they relate to your attempt to escape an abusive relationship.

Domestic violence, or intimate partner violence (IPV), is a pattern of coercive behaviors that includes one or more of the following: physical abuse or the threat of physical abuse, psychological abuse, rape, sexual assault, progressive social isolation, deprivation, intimidation, and/or economic coercion. Domestic violence or IPV is perpetrated against current or former intimate partners with whom the perpetrator dated, engaged in a chiefly sexual relationship, married or cohabited.

Adults and adolescents can perpetrate IPV or be survivors of IPV. Abuse can include physical, emotional, sexual, or economic abuse, as well as threats, intimidation, and isolation. For LGBTQ people in relationships, an abusing partner may also use the weapons of heterosexism and homophobia and threaten to “out” an abused partner in situation where the abused is not out. IPV happens in every part of our community, to people of every race, ethnicity, class, age, ability or disability, education level, and religion.

Sexual Assault and the LGBTQ Community
National Intimate Partner & Sexual Violence Survey
Half of Gay Men Have Been Abused by Their Partners

Rainbow Domestic Violence

Trans Men and Domestic Abuse

Rise in Dating Violence in LGBTQ Youth

Legal Rights of LGBTQ Victims of Domestic Violence

Rainbow Response

Domestic Violence in Same Sex Relationships

Myths About LGBTQ Domestic Violence
Broken: Song by Kim Petras

National Coalition of Anti-Violence Program

Violence Against Women Act Expands Services to LGBTQ Survivors

“No one, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, should experience abuse. Period. And if they do, they should have the service and support to get through it, and we’re not going to rest.”
-President Joe Biden

The Violence Against Women Act, reauthorized in the spending bill signed into law by President Joe Biden, now for the first time includes a grant program designed to aid LGBTQ survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault.

The act has for some years has barred service providers from discriminating based on sex, sexual orientation, and gender identity, but the reauthorized version does much more, activists note. “This Act creates the first grant program dedicated to expanding and developing initiatives specifically for LGBTQ domestic violence and sexual assault survivors,” said a statement from Liz Seaton, the National LGBTQ Task Force’s policy director. “Our sister organization, the National LGBTQ Task Force Action Fund, participated in a working group on bill language and advocated for its passage.”

“This legislation has the strongest-ever provisions to benefit LGBTQ survivors,” added Beverly Tillery, executive director of the New York City Anti-Violence Project, which coordinates the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs. “While the LGBTQ community continues to experience a barrage of anti-trans and anti-LGBTQ attacks across the nation, VAWA provides a brief moment of hope that we can and will continue to make important advancements for our community. This victory is the result of a strong coalition of advocates who have been willing to fight with and for the most marginalized communities in our country.”

At an event celebrating the VAWA reuauthorization, Biden noted, “No one, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, should experience abuse. Period. And if they do, they should have the service and support to get through it, and we’re not going to rest.”

VAWA was first passed in 1994. Biden helped write it when he was a US Senator. It requires reauthorization every five years, but it lapsed in 2019, largely due to partisan disputes over whether to include a provision banning gun ownership by dating partners and stalkers who have been convicted of domestic violence. The current law bans this for those who have been spouses of victims, and Democrats agreed to drop the expansion of the ban in order to get the reauthorization passed. Senate Majority Whip Dick Durbin said it was a “tough choice” to drop that, but the level of support needed was simply not there.

[Source: Trudy Ring, Advocate, March 2022]

Violence Against Women Act Expands Services to LGBTQ Survivors

Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Youth Raped and Abused by Dates More Often

Domestic Violence in Same Sex Relationships

Myths About LGBTQ Domestic Violence
Sexual Assault and the LGBTQ Community
National Intimate Partner & Sexual Violence Survey

Intimate Partner Violence

National Coalition of Anti-Violence Program

Washington Post: Violence and Abuse in LGBTQ Relationships is Common

Trans Men and Domestic Abuse

Love is Respect: Healthy LGBTQ Relationships

Broken: Song by Kim Petras

Violent, Abusive, Coercive Behaviors

Physical Abuse - Hitting, choking, slapping, burning, shoving, hitting with objects, using a weapon, restraining.

Restricting Freedom - Controlling whom you can see, what groups or organizations you can be in, what you can read or know about, what movies you can see, where you can go.

Emotional Abuse - Criticizing you, humiliating you, lying to you, neglecting you, causing you to feel degraded.

Threats and intimidation - Threatening to harm children, family, friends or pets. Threatening to report your sexual identity, HIV or citizenship status to the authorities or others.

Economic Abuse - Taking control of your money or stealing it, running up debts, making you dependent against your will.

Sexual Abuse - Rape, forcing sex or certain sex acts, forcing sex with others, assaulting parts of your body, withholding sex, criticizing sexual performance, refusing safer sex, disrespecting “safe words” or violating boundaries of a “scene.”

Destruction of Property - Damaging personal object or clothing, overturning or breaking furniture, vandalizing the home, throwing or smashing things, destroying clothes.

Medical Abuse (esp. HIV-Related) - Getting in the way of medical treatment, withholding medications, destroying important documents, threatening to reveal HIV status to friends, family, employers, immigration or governmental authorities.

Heterosexist Control - Threatening to “out” you to others in situations where you have chosen not to come out or feel it is unsafe to do so.

Love is Respect

Domestic Violence is an LGBTQ Issue

Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Youth Raped and Abused by Dates More Often

Rainbow Domestic Violence

Rise in Dating Violence in LGBTQ Youth

Intimate Partner Violence

Trans Men and Domestic Abuse

Broken: Song by Kim Petras

Sexual Assault and the LGBTQ Community
National Intimate Partner & Sexual Violence Survey

Legal Rights of LGBTQ Victims of Domestic Violence

Williams Institute: Intimate Partner Violence Among LGBTQ People

Domestic Violence Statistics

According to the ABA Commission on Domestic Violence, domestic violence occurs within same-sex relationships as it does in heterosexual relationships. The acronym LGBTQ is often used and stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender.

11% of lesbians reported violence by their female partner and 15% of gay men who had lived with a male partner reported being victimized by a male partner.

Of the LGBTQ victims who sought services from the New York City Gay and Lesbian Anti-Violence Project, 36% of clients in 2003 and 38% of clients in 2004 filed police reports regarding intimate partner violence.

Eighty-eight percent of victims in 2003 and 91 percent of victims in 2004 reported experiencing prior incidents of abuse, with the majority (45 percent and 47 percent, respectively) reporting having experienced more than 10 prior incidents.

One survey found that same-sex cohabitants reported significantly more intimate partner violence than did opposite-sex cohabitants. Among women, 39.2% of the same-sex cohabitants and 21.7 of the opposite- sex cohabitants reported being raped, physically assaulted, and/or stalked by a marital/cohabiting partner at some time in their lifetime.

15.4% of same-sex cohabiting men reported being raped, physically assaulted and/or stalked by a male partner, but 10.8% reported such violence by a female partner.

Domestic Violence Statistics: Horrific Reality

Sexual Assault and the LGBTQ Community
National Intimate Partner & Sexual Violence Survey

Intimate Partner Violence

Domestic Violence: Resource Guide

National Coalition Against Domestic Violence

NCADV: Abusive LGBTQ Relationships

Domestic Violence Facts and Statistics

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