Queer Cafe

"Today I regret every single second of worry I had back in the uninformed 80s, wondering how the world was going to treat my brilliant little boy who loved to twirl. Little did I know that he was going to kick that old world's ass to the curb and create a brand new one."

-Deborah Divine (Mother of Dan Levy, star of Schitt's Creek)

Parenting gay children can be challenging, rewarding and ultimately life changing. The level of acceptance of sexual orientation and gender identity by fathers and mothers can detract from or expand a child's healthy growth and development in countless ways. Too many of our LGBTQ youth face emotional isolation, rejection, and complete withdrawal from parents that lead many to depression, drugs and alcohol and even homelessness.

Hearing the words "Mom, Dad, I think I am gay" can be life changing for many parents. Within an instant of hearing these words, their preconceived image, dreams and future expectations of their child are dramatically reshaped. Parents can choose to be supportive (this is still the same child they have always loved) and they can grow with their children as they venture into lives with LGBTQ relationships.

Marcia Gay Harden and Her Gay Son

Things LGBTQ Teens Wish Their Parents Knew
Supporting & Protecting Your LGBTQ Child

Magic Johnson Said His Relationship With His Son 'Changed Me'
TED Talk: My Family and My Gay Son

Celebrity Parents Who Support Their LGBTQ Kids
Watching My Son Become My Daughter

Parents' Response is Key to Health of Gay Youth

All too often, young people look to parents to be their ultimate support, but, unfortunately, parents cannot overcome the hurdles of prejudice. Ultimately, many mothers and fathers distance, alienate and disown their children because of their sexual orientation or gender identity.

Some young people would choose isolation or death rather than disclose to their parents, while others feel they are the only people they can turn to. The level of trust is immense as a child who has inwardly struggled with sexual orientation or gender identity decides to confide in his or her parents.

Clearly, parental responses to a child's gay disclosure can range along a continuum from complete rejection to extreme activism. Points on this continuum vary, grow and evolve as the nature of the relationship and deeper understandings emerge. Parental alienation can reinforce self-hatred, isolation and suicidal ideation. Indeed, parental rejection can be life threatening.

Info: LGBTQ Youth

Father's Journey: From Disgust to Pride

How the Mothers of Transgender Children Are Changing the World

Johns Hopkins: Tips for Parents of LGBTQ Youth

Celebrity Parents Supporting Their LGBTQ Kids
My Two Sons Came Out as Gay

Talking to Your Gay Son About Anti-Gay Violence

Don't Sneak: Father's Advice to Gay Son
My Parents Think I'm Gay, But I Am Not

Advocate Mag: Tips for Parents of LGBTQ Children

Grandfather of the Year

Info: LGBTQ Kids

Reaction All Parents Should Have When Their Child Comes Out

Tips for Parents

Having a gay child doesn't mean you failed as a parent.

Disowning your gay child means you failed as a parent.

Engage with your child. Your LGBTQ child requires and deserves the same level of care, respect, information, and support as non-LGBTQ children. Ask questions, listen, empathize, share and just be there for your child.

Get informed. Get the facts about sexual orientation and gender identity. Learn new language and the correct terminology to communicate effectively about sexual orientation and gender identity. Challenge yourself to learn and to go beyond stereotyped images of LGBTQ people.

Marcia Gay Harden and Her Gay Son

Southern Baptist Father's Reaction to Gay Son

Coming Out: Parents Guide to Supporting Your Gay Teen
Dr. Phil Talks With Parent of Bisexual Daughter

How the Mothers of Transgender Children Are Changing the World

Watching My Son Become My Daughter

Celebs Who Were Fully Supportive Of Their Kids Coming Out As LGBTQ

TED Talk: My Family and My Gay Son

Info: LGBTQ Youth

Cher Talks About Her Trans Son Chaz

Get to know the community. What resources are available? Find out if there is a Gay/Straight Alliance at school, a community group for LGBTQ and questioning teens, a bookstore with a selection of books and magazines on LGBTQ issues, or a LGBTQ community center nearby.

Explore the Internet. There is a growing amount of excellent information on-line that connects people with support and materials on these important topics.

Find out where your local PFLAG group meets. Many parents say that their connections with other parents of LGBTQ kids made a world of difference in their progress toward understanding their young people. Finding another person you can trust to share your experience with is invaluable. Many people have gone through similar things and their support, lessons learned, and empathy can be very valuable.

LGBTQ-Friendly Camps and Summer Programs

92 Year Old Mother of Lesbian Daughters Attends NYC Pride for 30 Years

Sally Field Receives HRC Ally Award and Talks About Gay Son

Chrysalis Mama: Raising an LGBTQ Child

Info: LGBTQ Kids

Things LGBTQ Teens Wish Their Parents Knew

Celebrities Who Have LGBTQ Children

Dwayne Wade's Trans Daughter Makes Red Carpet Debut

Johns Hopkins: Tips for Parents of LGBTQ Youth

Info: LGBTQ Siblings

Celebrity Parents Who Support Their LGBTQ Kids

Don't make it about sex. Just because your child has come out as LGBTQ does not mean the young person's whole world revolves around sex or sexual orientation or gender identity. It will be a big part of who the youth is, especially during the process of figuring it all out, including what it means to be LGBTQ. Still, being LGBTQ isn't the sum of life for your child, and it is vital to encourage your child in other aspects of life, such as school, sports, hobbies, friends, and part-time jobs.

Honor your child's privacy. Do not "out" him or her to others without his or her permission. Friends and family members might have questions or want to know what's up. But it is most important to be respectful of what your child wants. Don't betray your child's trust.

Praise your LGBTQ child for coming to you to discuss this issue. Encourage him or her to continue to confide in you and keep you "in the know." If your child turns to you to share personal information, you're must be doing something right. Your child regards you as accessible and approachable. You're sending out consistent verbal and non-verbal cues that say, "Yes, I'll listen. Please talk to me!" Give yourself some credit. Your LGBTQ child chose to come out to you. Congratulations!

Find out what kind of support services are in place at your child's school. Does the school or school district have a non-discrimination policy? Is a there an LGBTQ support group? Do you know any "out" people, or their friends and loved ones, to whom you can turn for information?

Educate yourself on local, state and national laws and polices regarding LGBTQ people. On the national level, LGBTQ people are still second-class citizens in regard to some national policies and their rights are not guaranteed by law. Consider educating yourself about this and finding out what you can do to work toward extending equal rights to LGBTQ people in the United States.

My Child is Gay...What Do I Do Now?

Understanding Your Gay Teen

Magic Johnson Said His Relationship With His Son 'Changed Me'

Celebrity Parents Who Support Their LGBTQ Kids

Video: Gay Sons and Their Moms

Marcia Gay Harden and Her Gay Son

Belinda Carlisle and James Duke Mason: Family and Supporting a Gay Child

Common Fears and How to be Supportive

Cher Talks About Her Trans Son Chaz

Info: LGBTQ Kids

Father's Journey: From Disgust to Pride

Rules for Helping Gay Kids Be Themselves

Gay Family Support

My Parents Think I'm Gay, But I Am Not

Celebrities Who Have LGBTQ Children

Dwayne Wade's Trans Daughter Makes Red Carpet Debut

Advocate Mag: Tips for Parents of LGBTQ Children

Jaden Smith

Will and Jada Pinkett Smith are known for their outstanding acting and music careers, but they’re also recognized for having one of the most hands-off, laid-back parenting styles for their kids, Jaden and Willow. Will speaks openly about his approach to parenting and the way he and his wife Jada consciously encourage their kids' freedom of expression.

Many movie-goers may remember that Will and Jaden were the father and son team in "Pursuit of Happyness." That adorable little boy is all grown up now. He turned 21 in 2019.

Jaden’s gender-fluid style has been the subject of public discussion as he started wearing dresses when he was 17 years old and was named the new face of Louis Vuitton’s womenswear campaign. “You know, there’s a really powerful internal quality as an artist that as parents we encourage,” Smith said. “You gotta get out on the edge, you have to try things, you have to be comfortable doing things that people don’t agree with and you have to be comfortable doing things that you could fail.” Will added, “Jaden is 100 percent fearless, he will do anything. So as a parent it’s scary, it’s really terrifying, but he is completely willing to live and die by his own artistic decisions and he just doesn’t concern himself with what people think.”

The “Fresh Prince” star opened up about what it was like for he an Jada to raise teenagers. “Because we’re both artists, we decided a long time ago that it’s sort of better to flow with what people are naturally more than what our egos need them to be,” Smith said. “So we really just try to find the things that they’re good at and support those things rather than forcing them.“ It seems the “flow” strategy (and famous lack of punishment) in the house is working out for Willow and Jaden.

Will Smith: Parent of Gender Fluid Son

Jaden Smith Opens Up About Being Gender Fluid

Father and Son: Will and Jaden on Ellen Show

Willow Smith Praises Brother Jaden for Challenging Gender Stereotypes

Will and Jaden: Pursuit of Happyness

Jaden Smith: Adventures in Gender Fluidity

Home Movies: Jaden Turns 21

Celebrity Parents of LGBTQ Kids

Having a child who is different can be hard to handle for a parent. But when these celebrities found out their kids are members of the LGBTQ community, they not only accepted them with open arms, they have also been publicly supportive in the most inspiring way.

Alec Baldwin
Johnny Depp/Vanessa Paradis
Cher
Mia Farrow
Dwyane Wade/Gabrielle Union
Sally Field
Barbra Streisand
Marlon Wayans
Billy Ray/Tish Cyrus

Angelina Jolie/Brad Pitt
Sharon Osbourne
Gloria Estefan
Sia
Marcia Gay Harden

Will Smith/Jada Pinkett Smith
Gloria Vanderbilt
Warren Beatty/Annette Bening
Marie Osmond

Jennifer Lopez/Marc Anthony

Cynthia Nixon
Charlize Theron

Belinda Carlisle
Isiah Thomas

Vanna White

Eugene Levy/Deborah Divine
Busy Phillips

Cybill Shepherd
Ally Sheedy

Earvin Johnson Jr/Cookie Johnson
Anne Rice
Dean McDermott

Sade

Khary Payton

Celebs Who Were Fully Supportive Of Their Kids Coming Out As LGBTQ

Belinda Carlisle and James Duke Mason: Family and Supporting a Gay Child

Celebrities Who Have LGBTQ Children

Dwayne Wade's Trans Daughter Makes Red Carpet Debut

Advocate Mag: Tips for Parents of LGBTQ Children

Marcia Gay Harden and Her Gay Son

Celebrity Parents Who Support Their LGBTQ Kids

Advocate Mag: Tips for Parents of LGBTQ Children

Resources for Parents

This Is a Book for Parents of Gay Kids: A Question & Answer Guide to Everyday Life by Dannielle Owens-Reid & Kristin Russo
Is It a Choice?: Answers to 300 of the Most Frequently Asked Questions About Gay and Lesbian People by Eric Marcus
Always My Child: Parent’s Guide to Understanding Your Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender or Questioning Son or Daughter by Kevin Jennings
Out of the Closet, Into Our Hearts by Laura Siegel & Nancy Lamkin Olson
Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Lesbians and Gays Talk About Their Experiences by Carolyn Welch Griffen

Now That You Know: A Parents’ Guide to Understanding Their Gay & Lesbian Children by Betty Fairchild & Nancy Hayward
Coming Out, Coming Home: Helping Families Adjust to a Lesbian or Gay Child by Michael C. LaSala

Side by Side: On Having a Gay or Lesbian Sibling by Andrew R. Gottlieb
Love, Ellen: A Mother/Daughter Journey by Betty Degeneres
My Child Is Gay: How Parents React When They Hear the News by Bryce McDougall
Something to Tell You by Gilbert Herdt and Bruce Koff
Straight Parents, Gay Children: Keeping Families Together by Robert A. Bernstein, Robert MacNeil & Betty DeGeneres
Helping Your Transgender Teen: A Guide for Parents by Irwin Krieger
Different Daughters: A Book by Mothers of Lesbians by Louise Rafkin
My Son Eric: A Mother Struggles to Accept Her Gay Son and Discovers Herself by Mary V. Borhek & Christine M. Smith
Finding Out: The ABC’s of Same Sex Relationships by Homer and Sue Spencer
The Family Heart: A Memoir of When Our Son Came Out by Robb Forman Dew
Prayers for Bobby: A Mother’s Coming to Terms With the Suicide of Her Gay Son by Leroy Aarons