LGBTQ INFORMATION NETWORK │ RAINBOW OF RESOURCES

HUMOR
 

Sedition: Rainbow Parody

Video Montage: Fetch Me Something Gay

Liberal Redneck: Florida's Don't-Say-Gay Bill

Video: Weird Things Gay Couples Do

Randy Rainbow on YouTube

Video Montage: Let's Go Lesbians

Randy Rainbow: Clang, Clang, Clang Went Josh Hawley
Beauty and the Beat Boots by Todrick Hall

Bring Me My Vaccine: Rainbow Parody

Trae Crowder: Liberal Redneck
Randy Rainbow: Making a Difference Award Honoree

Video Montage: Team Gay

 

Funny LGBTQ Quotes

 

"Kids don't turn queer because a teacher told them that queer people exist. They turn queer because their older sister's best friend gave them Ani DiFranco's first two albums on cassette.  Everyone knows this."

-Gillian Branstetter

 

"Thank you!  Finally!  My work here is done!"

-Ani DiFranco

 

 

"We’re going to have a great night tonight. And for you people in Florida, we’re going to have a gay night.”
-Wanda Sykes at Oscar Awards, referring to the newly passed Don't-Say-Gay bill
 

"I don't mind straight people as long as they act gay in public."
-Dennis Rodman

 

"My mother took me to a psychiatrist when I was fifteen because she thought I was a latent homosexual. I must tell you, there was nothing latent about it."
-Amanda Bearse

 

"I like my men like I like my coffee.  I don't drink coffee."

-Ellen DeGeneres

 

“If being gay were really a choice, every woman in the world would be a lesbian within ten minutes of ever meeting a man.”

-Rudy Martinez

 

"Televangelist Pat Robertson said that he wishes Facebook had a vomit button he could push whenever someone posts a picture of a gay couple kissing. Of course, the other option would be for Pat Robertson to stop searching for gay men kissing."

-Conan O'Brien

 

“Gays are not interested in making other people gay. But homophobes are interested in making other people homophobic.”

-Stephen Fry

 

   

 

Queer Comics You Should Know

Books: Best LGBTQ Humor

Miriam Margolyes on Graham Norton Show

LGBTQ Comedians Who Will Make You Laugh

Advocate Magazine: Comedy

Video: Gay Bar, First and 101st Time

The Marriage License

SNL Coffee Talk with Linda Richman
Thoughts and Prayers: Randy Rainbow
Bring Me My Vaccine: Rainbow Parody

Key and Peele: Gay Co-Worker

SNL Video: Xanax for Gay Summer Weddings

Video Montage: Oh Shoot, Now I’m Gay

Stand by Your Man: Rainbow Parody

Queer Humor: Lesbi Honest

Liberal Redneck: Florida's Don't-Say-Gay Bill

Onion Movie Critic: Mama Mia, Here We Go Again

 

 

Gay Humor

 

One time my girlfriend was mentioning to me that her period was late.

And for a horrible second I thought I had gotten her pregnant.

But then I remembered. Oh yeah, we’re lesbians.

 

Being gay is like being left-handed. Some people are. Most people aren’t. And nobody really knows why. It’s not right or wrong. It’s just the way things are.

 

Gay kids read thousands of books about straight characters.  Yet, they still grow up gay.  But you're worried that if your son Billy reads a book about a penguin with two dads, he's going to wake up the next day and ask Brad to the prom.

 

Do you seriously believe God would judge someone for loving a person of the same sex but would not judge you for hating someone you have never even met?

  

Claiming that someone else’s marriage is against your religion is like being angry at someone for eating a doughnut because you’re on a diet.

 

So I was on the bus with this granny beside me when we spotted two girls kissing by the bus stop. The granny turned to me and said, “These girls are so pretty. At their age I was sort of ugly. Well, maybe that’s why I had to marry a man."

 

 

 

"I was born a sinner. My particular sin is mentioned in the bible 25 times. I tried to change, but could not. Luckily, society learned to accept us left-handed people."
-Nicholas Ferroni, Educator and Activist

 

"We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture."
-Robin Williams

"My high school had a Head Start program for homosexuals, it was called Drama Club."
-Bob Smith

"They say you can't tell guys are gay just by looking. But if two guys are kissing, you can figure at least one of them is gay."
-Bill Braudis

"The heterosexuals who hate us should just stop having us."
-Lynda Montgomery

"It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses."
-Daphne Fielding

 

“If gays become accepted, then more people will decide to become gay. Yes, because after blacks gained rights, all the white people went out and decided to become black.”

-John Stewart

 

“In a recent interview, One Direction singer Harry Styles said that he is pretty sure he is not bisexual. Which at least saves them the hassle of changing the band’s name to Both Directions.”

-Conan O’Brian

 

 

       

 

Video Montage: Let's Go Lesbians

Let’s Queer Things Up

Ellen DeGeneres: Gay Cartoon Characters

Randy Rainbow: Let's Cut the Shit

Video: Coming Out, First and 101st Time

I Can't Even Think Straight

Queer Jokes From LGBTQ Stand-Up Comics

Onion Movie Critic: Hunger Games, Catching Fire

Randy Rainbow on CBS Sunday Morning
Video Montage: Lesbian Lover Day

LGBTQ Comedian: Mae Martin

 

I really feel bad for the kids with lesbian parents.

They get stuck in the never-ending loop of “Go ask your mother.”

 

I don’t care if you’re straight, gay, bi, trans, black, white, purple, or green. Respect me. And I’ll respect you. But, if you’re purple or green, you should probably see a doctor.

 

Yesterday I asked my 13-year-old son what the other kids at school think about him having 2 dads.  He said, "They don't care much about that. But they don't like how I'm immune to Yo-Mama jokes."

 

I came out to my dad today. My dad looked at me stone cold and said, “Same rules as your sisters, no boys allowed in your room.”

 

If you don’t want homosexuals to adopt children, tell heterosexuals to stop having children they don’t want.

 

    

 

Dad: So, do you like your coffee like you like your men? Tall and dark?

Daughter: No.  But I do like my coffee like I like my women. Sweet, strong, and able to keep me up all night.

 

So, this guy says to me, "You support gay rights. You must be gay." And I replied, "I support animal rights. Do I look like a beagle to you?"

 

Abigail Van Buren, the writer of the famous Dear Abby newspaper advice column, received a letter from a reader who complained that a gay couple was moving in across the street. He wanted to know what he could do to improve the quality of the neighborhood. Abby responded, "You could move."

 

How do lesbians settle a fight?
Rock, Papers, Scissors

 

My little brother was sent to a church camp to "fix" his homosexuality.  And it was pretty successful.  He came back two weeks later with his new boyfriend.  Turns out they didn't "fix" him so much as "fix him up."

 

     

 

Gurl, You're a Karen by Randy Rainbow
Video: The Straightest Dude Ever

Funny Queer Stuff

LGBTQ Comedian: Hannah Gadsby

Key and Peele: Gay Wedding Advice

Queer Humor: Me Gay

Randy Rainbow on YouTube

Miriam Margolyes on Graham Norton Show

Trae Crowder: Liberal Redneck

Video Montage: Happy Dating

Randy Rainbow: Making a Difference Award Honoree

Bible Based Marriage
Lesbian Princess

Randy Rainbow on CBS Sunday Morning

Video: Weird Questions Gay Couples Get

Queer Theory of Humor

Video: When Coming Out Goes Better Than You Thought

Sedition: Rainbow Parody

Advocate Magazine: Comedy

The Defenders of Traditional Marriage

Trae Crowder: What If My Sons Are Gay?
SNL Video: Xanax for Gay Summer Weddings

Video Montage: Crossover Edition

 

      

 

LGBTQ Comedians

 

Ellen DeGeneres
Ross Matthews
Tig Notaro
Hannah Gadsby
Suzanne Westenhofer
DeAnne Smith
Margaret Cho
Dana Goldberg
Mario Cantone
Simon Amstell
Paula Pell
Paris Sashay
Fortune Feimster

Jaye McBride
Chewy May

Randy Rainbow

Kate McKinnon
Lea DeLaria
Eddie Izzard
Sandra Bernhard
Kate Clinton
Wanda Sykes
Gabe Liedman

Justin Zirilli
Michael Benjamin
Oscar Aydin
Sabrina Jalees
Franqi French
Maggie Casella
Alec Mapa
Kelli Dunham

Benito Skinner

Sampson McCormick
Lilly Singh
Eliot Glazer
Erin Foley
James Adomian
Mae Martin
KeLanna Spiller
Stephen Guarino

Jeena Bloom
Ike Avelli
Joel Creasey
Joe Lycett
Matteo Lane

Jay Jurden
Adam Sank

Cassie Workman

 

 

 

Cake Baker Limericks

 

That baker in Boulder said “Hey,
I refuse to bake cakes for a gay,
The Good Lord is clear:
Never bake for a queer
Nor cater for their wedding day.

A cake-making bigot named Jay
Denied service to anyone gay
But murderers, liars,
And heroin buyers,
He just couldn’t turn them away.

The Supreme Court with wise judges nine
Decided gay weddings are fine
But then, for God’s sakes,
When asked about cakes,
They felt it was best to decline.

Our baker won’t yield to gay passion,
Though same-sex is clearly in fashion.
He happily bakes
Heterosexual cakes,
And occasionally takes part in gay bashin’.

   
 

Video Montage: I'm Hetero, Right?

Key and Peele: Gay Co-Worker

Thoughts and Prayers: Randy Rainbow
Queer Jokes From LGBTQ Stand-Up Comics

Onion Movie Critic: Hunger Games, Catching Fire

Stand by Your Man: Rainbow Parody

Video: Gay Bar, First and 101st Time

The Real Story of Adam and Steve

Liberal Redneck: Florida's Don't-Say-Gay Bill

The Marriage License

Video Montage: Oh Shoot, Now I’m Gay

Randy Rainbow: Let's Cut the Shit

Ellen DeGeneres: Gay Cartoon Characters

Queer Humor: Me Gay

Trae Crowder: What If My Sons Are Gay?

Let’s Queer Things Up

Video: Coming Out, First and 101st Time

I Can't Even Think Straight

Nothing Like a Wall: Rainbow Parody

Video Montage: Human Gaydar

Bring Me My Vaccine: Rainbow Parody

 

      

 

LGBTQ Jokes

 

I think God is happier when a gay couple gets married than when a straight couple gets divorced.

 

I made eye contact with a gay couple at Wal-Mart. They asked, “Do you have a problem with two gay men together?” I replied, "I do when they’re blocking the candy aisle."

 

Message from lesbians: We love men. We just don't like them naked.

 

I get really offended when people tell me I’m going to hell for being gay, because I feel like they’re overlooking all of the other valid reasons that I’m going to hell.

 

The fact that humanity has to clarify that any lives matter, should be concern enough.

 

Ellen Degeneres gives money to charity… Ellen DeGenerous

Ellen takes command of an army… Ellen DeGeneral

Ellen starts producing electricity… Ellen DeGenerator

Ellen alters the structure of DNA… Ellen DeGenetecist

 

My Aunt: How’s your gay phase going? 

Me: Better than your marriage.

 

I don’t understand why people think that having a gay child means that you failed as a parent. Not true. Disowning your gay child means you failed as a parent.

 

 

 

I've been forced to explain homosexuality to my two innocent kids (ages 3 and 4) because their uncle is gay. This incredibly difficult and traumatic experience went as follows:
Kids: Daddy, why does Uncle Bob go everywhere with his friend Pete?
Me: Because they're in love, just like Mommy and Daddy are.
Kids: Oh. Can I have a cookie?
They're going to be scarred for life! Scarred, I tell you!

 

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.

 

I’m not gay. But my boyfriend is.

 

I saw two guys wearing matching clothing and I asked if they were gay. They quickly arrested me.

 

One woman says to another woman, “So, how do you like lesbian sex?” The other women replies, “It’s too complicated to tell you about.  I’d have to show you.”

 

Where do you find a lost lesbian?
In no-man’s land

 

I’m like a windshield wiper. I go both ways.

 

99% of women say they don't like men who wear leather pants. Which works out perfectly, since 100% of men who wear leather pants don't like women.

 

Someone just asked, “Who wears the pants in your relationship?”  and my girlfriend replied, "Well, I prefer neither of us."

 

 

 Queer Comics You Should Know

Video Montage: Fetch Me Something Gay

Randy Rainbow on YouTube

Onion Movie Critic: Mama Mia, Here We Go Again

Trae Crowder: What If My Sons Are Gay?

Advocate Magazine: Comedy

LGBTQ Comedian: Sabrina Jalees

Queer Humor: Lesbi Honest

Randy Rainbow on CBS Sunday Morning

LGBTQ Comedians Who Will Make You Laugh

Video: Weird Things Gay Couples Do

Books: Best LGBTQ Humor

Key and Peele: Gay Wedding Advice

Sedition: Rainbow Parody

Lesbian Princess

Video Montage: I'm Hetero, Right?

Onion Movie Critic: Hunger Games, Catching Fire

Trae Crowder: Liberal Redneck

Gurl, You're a Karen by Randy Rainbow

 

 

Gay Agenda

 

6:00   AM    Gym.
8:00   AM    Breakfast (oatmeal and egg whites).
9:00   AM    Hair appointment.
10:00 AM    Shopping (Nordstroms, Saks).
12:00 PM    Brunch.
2:00   PM    Assume complete control of the US Federal, State and Local Governments as well as all other national governments. Recruit all straight youngsters to our debauched lifestyle. Destroy all healthy heterosexual marriages. Replace all school counselors in grades K-12 with agents of Colombian and Jamaican drug cartels. Establish planetary chain of "homo breeding gulags" where over-medicated imprisoned straight women are turned into artificially impregnated baby factories to produce prepubescent love slaves for our devotedly pederastic gay leadership. Bulldoze all houses of worship. Secure total control of the internet and all mass media for the exclusive use of child pornographers.
2:15   PM    Be fabulous.
2:30   PM    Mud mask and beauty rest to prevent facial wrinkles from stress of world conquest.
4:00   PM    Cocktails.
6:00   PM    Light Dinner (soup, salad with romaine, radicchio, arugula, and balsamic vinaigrette dressing, with Chardonnay).
8:00   PM    Theater.
10:30 PM    Do a little dance, make a little love, get down tonight.
11:00 PM    Bed.

 

     

 

Queer Comics You Should Know

Gurl, You're a Karen by Randy Rainbow

Video Montage: Fetch Me Something Gay

Ellen DeGeneres: Gay Cartoon Characters

LGBTQ Comedians Who Will Make You Laugh

The Real Story of Adam and Steve

Randy Rainbow: Let's Cut the Shit

Miriam Margolyes on Graham Norton Show

Video: Weird Things Gay Couples Do

LGBTQ Comedian: Hannah Gadsby

Queer Jokes From LGBTQ Stand-Up Comics

Liberal Redneck: Florida's Don't-Say-Gay Bill

Bring Me My Vaccine: Rainbow Parody

Video Montage: Human Gaydar

SNL Coffee Talk with Linda Richman

Thoughts and Prayers: Randy Rainbow
Key and Peele: Gay Co-Worker

Books: Best LGBTQ Humor

Nothing Like a Wall: Rainbow Parody

 

 

LGBTQ Limericks

 

There once was a queer from Khartoum
Who took a lesbian up to his room.
They spent the whole night
In a hell of a fight
Over who should do what, and to whom!

There once was a fellow McSweeny

Who spilled some gin on his weenie

Just to be couth

He added vermouth

Then slipped his boyfriend a martini.

There was a young fellow named Taylor
Who seduced a respectable sailor.
When they put him in jail,
He worked out the bail,
By flirting at length with the jailer.
 

    

 

LGBTQ Riddles

 

Question: What is lesbian sex like?
Answer: Both people have orgasms

Question: What do you call a lesbian with long fingernails?
Answer: Single

Question: What do you say to console your nonbinary friend when they keep getting misgendered?
Answer: Their their

Question: How many trans people does it take to change a lightbulb?
Answer: One to change the lightbulb. And literally everyone else to tell them to slow down, think about it, and wait first.

 

Question: What kind of programming do trans robots have?
Answer: Non-Binary

 

Question: What do you call a lesbian cock block?
Answer: A beaver dam

 

   

 

Queer Comics You Should Know

Sedition: Rainbow Parody

Trae Crowder: Liberal Redneck

Video Montage: Fetch Me Something Gay

LGBTQ Comedians Who Will Make You Laugh

Video: Weird Things Gay Couples Do

Randy Rainbow on YouTube

Books: Best LGBTQ Humor

Video Montage: Let's Go Lesbians

Beauty and the Beat Boots by Todrick Hall

Trae Crowder: What If My Sons Are Gay?

Bring Me My Vaccine: Rainbow Parody

Advocate Magazine: Comedy

Video Montage: Team Gay

 

Adam and Steve

 

"Adam and Steve" is a term used by mega Christian homophobes on social media and elsewhere. It is a derogatory term used to announce their disapproval of sexual relationships between 2 men. Often accommodated by a laughing minion in a sepia tone. Anybody who says this unironically has most likely never said a single original thing in their lives.

Just so you know, if God had made Adam and Steve, we'd still be in the damn garden.

 


And, if the gay version if Adam and Eve is Adam and Steve, what is the lesbian version?
Madam and Eve?  Addy and Eve?  Adell and Eve?

And what about the bisexual response: "The bible said Adam and Eve. So I did both."

A similar argument, phrased something like “God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Eve and Julie and Teresa,” has been used to contest advocates of polygamy.

 

And lest we forget, "It was Lot and his daughters, not Lot and his sons!  Get it right!"

God could not have started the world with an “Adam and Steve."  To do so would have forever limited the population of humanity to two. With that said, there is a possible weakness in the “God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve” argument. It could be argued that, once humanity’s population was significantly greater than two, there would be nothing to proscribe “Adam and Steve” and “Adell and Eve” relationships, original design and later commands notwithstanding.

 



"So one night I caused him to fall into a deep sleep. Fulsomely did I roofie his nectar. And as he slept, I removed a rib, though not a load bearing one. And from this rib I fashioned a companion for him. T'was a hunk, unburdened by excess wisdom, ripped and cut, and hung like unto a fig tree before the harvest. Yea, and a power bottom. And Adam arose, and saw him, and wept for joy. And he called the man Steve. I had suggested Steven, but Adam liked to keep things informal. And Adam and Steve were naked, and felt no shame. They knew each other, as often as possible. Truly their loins were a wonderland."
-The Last Testament, A Memoir of God by David Javerbaum

 

Liberal Redneck: Florida's Don't-Say-Gay Bill

The Real Story of Adam and Steve

Queer Comics You Should Know

Sedition: Rainbow Parody

Video Montage: Fetch Me Something Gay

Bible Based Marriage
LGBTQ Comedians Who Will Make You Laugh

Video: Weird Things Gay Couples Do

Randy Rainbow on YouTube

Books: Best LGBTQ Humor

Trae Crowder: What If My Sons Are Gay?

Video Montage: Let's Go Lesbians

Beauty and the Beat Boots by Todrick Hall

Miriam Margolyes on Graham Norton Show

Bring Me My Vaccine: Rainbow Parody

Advocate Magazine: Comedy

Randy Rainbow on CBS Sunday Morning

Video Montage: Team Gay

 

 

Queer Jokes

 

I've been asking people what the acronym LGBTQ stands for...

Nobody will give me a straight answer.

Being pansexual does not mean I have erotic relations with cookware.

 

I'm so gay, I fart glitter.

 

What won’t a lesbian take?
Dictation

A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. “Long day?” the bartender asks. “Well… My oldest son just came out…” The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. “What now?” the bartender asks. “My middle son just came out.” The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. “Again?” the bartender asks. “Yeah. My youngest son.” He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. “My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls?” the bartender asks. “Yeah… My wife.”

When I’m at the grocery store and they ask me if I want paper or plastic, I say, “Either is fine. I’m bi-sacksual.”

 

Do gay little people come out the cabinet?

I keep confusing my "gaydar" with my "pleasebegaydar."

 

Why do gay men name their penises?

Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who makes all their decisions.
 

     

 

Queer Comics You Should Know

Video Montage: Fetch Me Something Gay

Randy Rainbow on YouTube

Trae Crowder: Liberal Redneck

Advocate Magazine: Comedy

LGBTQ Comedian: Sabrina Jalees

Queer Humor: Lesbi Honest

Key and Peele: Gay Wedding Advice

Gurl, You're a Karen by Randy Rainbow

LGBTQ Comedians Who Will Make You Laugh

Video: Weird Things Gay Couples Do

Books: Best LGBTQ Humor

Stand by Your Man: Rainbow Parody

Trae Crowder: What If My Sons Are Gay?

Bring Me My Vaccine: Rainbow Parody

Lesbian Princess

Video Montage: I'm Hetero, Right?

 

Sexualities as Doors

 

Heterosexual - Door swings one way

Homosexual - Door swings the other way

Bisexual - Door swings both ways

Pansexual - Revolving door

Demisexual - Door is locked and only one person has the key

Asexual - Door is actually a wall

 

     

 

Gay Riddles

Q: What do you call a homosexual dentist?
A: Tooth fairy

Q: What do you call a gay boxer?
A: Fruit Punch

Q: What do you call a bouncer in a gay bar?
A: Flame thrower


Q: What do you call a 5-man gay mariachi band?

A: Juan Direction

Q. What's the biggest crime committed by drag queens?

A: Male fraud

 

     
 

Trans Puns
 

When I was crowdfunding to try to raise money for my top surgery,

I thought I would be clever in announcing it by saying,

"I need to get something off my chest."


Having an orchiectomy really takes balls.

After I heal up from my gender confirmation surgery, and take off my bandages, I guess you could say I'm unwrapping my box.
 

Why did the trans man only eat salad?
Because he was a her-before.

What do you call it when a trans person does something?
A transaction.
 

  

 

What do you call a trans person that doesn't want to do something right now?
A translater.

When I was in Vancouver, I saw a road called the Trans Canada Expressway and I said, "What? Was it assigned USA at birth?"

 

Marvel have announced their newest Superhero team, one consisting entirely of Trans-woman.
The Ex-Men.

What do you call a witch who can never decide between casting good or bad spells?
A trans-hex-ual.

All cars support the queer community.
Afterall, they all have a trans mission.

 

Queer Comics You Should Know

Trae Crowder: Liberal Redneck

Video Montage: Fetch Me Something Gay

LGBTQ Comedians Who Will Make You Laugh

Key and Peele: Gay Co-Worker

Randy Rainbow: Let's Cut the Shit

Video Montage: Ain't it Fun!

Queer Jokes From LGBTQ Stand-Up Comics

Nothing Like a Wall: Rainbow Parody

SNL Video: Xanax for Gay Summer Weddings

Video: Weird Things Gay Couples Do

The Real Story of Adam and Steve

Key and Peele: Gay Wedding Advice

Liberal Redneck: Florida's Don't-Say-Gay Bill

Sedition: Rainbow Parody

Ellen DeGeneres: Gay Cartoon Characters

Books: Best LGBTQ Humor

Video Montage: Lesbian Lover Day

 

   
 

Jokes From LGBTQ Stand-Up Comics

“Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.”
-Chris Rock

 

“My brother disowned me when he found out I was trans, but I try and take the high road. When I heard that he and his wife had a child, I sent them the nicest greeting card. It said ’Congratulations! It’s a boy! For now!’”
-Jaye McBride

 

“I like to think of the female body the same way that I think of the South in the sense that I’m from there and I’ve visited, but I don’t know if that’s where I want to raise my kids.”
-Jay Jurden

“When women sleep around, they’re considered sluts. When gay men do it, it’s considered networking.”
-Oscar Aydin


“I get more compliments in an LGBTQ club. Guys come up to me and say, ‘Your voice reminds me of Barry White!’ I think to myself, ‘That is hot! Deep voice, sexy.’ Then we get outside, and my friends tell me, ‘The guy said Betty White.’"
-Ike Avelli

 

     

“I’m a black queer man, also known as a gospel choir director.”
-Jay Jurden

 

"I love the argument against gay marriage offered by soccer moms: How am I gonna explain that to my kid? I don’t like explaining things to my kid. I don’t like talking to him. You should stop your whole lifestyle, so that I don’t have to talk to my kid. You should stop being in love with each other, because I can't talk to my kid."
-Louis CK

“President Obama came out with approval of same-sex marriage. He said that, over the years, he has been going through an evolution on the issue. That makes opponents on the far right doubly angry. They don’t believe in gay marriage OR evolution.”
-Jimmy Kimmel

“Same-sex marriage isn’t gay privilege, it’s equal rights. Privilege would be something like gay people not paying taxes. You know, like the way churches don’t.”
-Ricky Gervais
 

“I’ve never really understood the premise of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. You have these five gay guys, and they show up at the straight guy’s apartment, and they do everything they can to make his life better. But have straight guys really been so wonderful to the gay community over the years that they’re now deserving of this royal treatment from us? At my high school, the reality show would have been called Personal Injury Lawsuit for the Straight Guy.”
-Jay Jurden
 

   
 

“The stereotype of gay men being promiscuous is extremely offensive,

and I guarantee the thousands of men I’ve slept with will agree.”
-Justin Zirilli

 

“Maybe opponents of gay marriage just hear the word sex and they’re like, Look at those same-sex people, all they’re doing is just having sex all the time, that’s all they’re doing. I bet their lives are 90 percent sex and 10 percent parades. That’s it. Sex and floats.”
-Wanda Sykes

 

“What a fucking embarrassing clown of a person you’d have to be to oppose gay marriage.”
-Rob Delaney

 

“I consider myself an ally to the straight community. I do tons of straight outreach.”
-Jay Jurden

 

“Tranny’s a bad word, but I’ve been called way worse. The other day, a guy called me ’sir.’ I said ’Look, buddy. Just because I’m trans doesn’t mean I’m any less of a lady.’ He said, ’Fine. Please stop peeing on my lawn, ma’am.'”
-Jaye McBride

 

“I walk into straight clubs the same way white guys walk into black barber shops.”
-Jay Jurden

 


 

Video Montage: I'm Hetero, Right?

Queer Jokes From LGBTQ Stand-Up Comics

Randy Rainbow: Let's Cut the Shit

Trae Crowder: What If My Sons Are Gay?

Key and Peele: Gay Co-Worker

Video: Gay Bar, First and 101st Time

The Marriage License

Video Montage: Oh Shoot, Now I’m Gay

Randy Rainbow on CBS Sunday Morning

Ellen DeGeneres: Gay Cartoon Characters

Queer Humor: Me Gay

Let’s Queer Things Up

Video: Coming Out, First and 101st Time

Thoughts and Prayers: Randy Rainbow
Trae Crowder: Liberal Redneck

Nothing Like a Wall: Rainbow Parody

I Can't Even Think Straight

Video Montage: Human Gaydar

 

 

 

You Must Be Joking?

 

A lesbian goes to the gynecologist. While she’s laid back with her feet in the stirrups, being examined, the gynecologist remarks, “You keep things very clean down here.” The lesbian replies, “Thanks! I have a lady who comes in twice a week.”

If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s considered a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.

Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
They already have boyfriends.

How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
Both of them.

 

     

Do you know how to play gay poker?
Queens are wild and straights don’t count.

What do you call a gay scientist?
A homogeneous.

"What does gay mean?" asked a son to his father.
"It means 'happy,'" the father answered.
"Oh," replied the son, "so are you gay, then?"
"No, son, I married your mother."

My mother and father found each other in a gay bar of all places....
24 years in to their marriage unfortunately

My friends say there is a gay guy in our circle of friends.
I really hope it's Todd, he's cute.

 

          

How can you tell if an astronaut is gay?
You can't. There's no orientation in space.

 

Having gay parents must be terrible.
Either you have twice as many dad jokes or get stuck in an endless loop of "go ask your mother"

Are these gay cows, daddy?
No, they're bison.


Minorities have the race card, women have the gender card, homosexuals have the gay card, but what do discriminatory white men have?
The Trump card.

 

Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a wedding cake shop to plan for their upcoming nuptials. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage we won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage, I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."
 

    

 

My gay friend's had an 80's themes costume party.
I came dressed up as AIDS.

Nobody really knew what I was at the start of the party,

but by the end, everybody got it.

 

What's the proper name for a gay couch?
A homosectional.

Why are gay people bad liars?
They can't keep a straight face
 

How do you define a lazy gay person?

Someone who comes straight out of the closet, and goes straight to the couch.

I wanna do stand up comedy on a gay cruise...
So I can open with: "Hey, everyone. Thanks for coming out."

 

           

 

Video: Gay Bar, First and 101st Time

The Marriage License

Bring Me My Vaccine: Rainbow Parody

Key and Peele: Gay Co-Worker

SNL Video: Xanax for Gay Summer Weddings

Bible Based Marriage
The Real Story of Adam and Steve

Video Montage: Oh Shoot, Now I’m Gay

Stand by Your Man: Rainbow Parody

Queer Humor: Lesbi Honest

Liberal Redneck: Florida's Don't-Say-Gay Bill

Onion Movie Critic: Mama Mia, Here We Go Again

Video Montage: Let's Go Lesbians

Let’s Queer Things Up

Ellen DeGeneres: Gay Cartoon Characters

Randy Rainbow: Let's Cut the Shit

Video: Coming Out, First and 101st Time

I Can't Even Think Straight

Queer Jokes From LGBTQ Stand-Up Comics

Trae Crowder: What If My Sons Are Gay?

Onion Movie Critic: Hunger Games, Catching Fire

Video Montage: Lesbian Lover Day

LGBTQ Comedian: Mae Martin

 

   

 

Queer Humor

 

Common lesbian problem: When your doctor doesn’t understand how you can be so sure that you are not pregnant.

 

My girlfriend and I are sitting together on a park bench and someone comes up and asks, “So, which one of you is the girl in the relationship and which one of you is the boy?” So, my girlfriend says, “We are both the girl in the relationship. That’s kinda the point.”

 

Homosexuality is found in over 450 species. Homophobia is found in only one. Which one seems unnatural now?

 

Gay marriage explained: You are in a restaurant and say to the waiter, “I’ll have the cake.”  And then a guy at the next table says, “Uh, waiter, cancel that cake. I don’t want anyone to have cake.  God hates cake.  My kids are here.  If they see you eating cake, then they’re gonna want to have cake too.  You can go home and eat cake in private.”

 

It's all fun and gay until someone loses their rights.

 

Message from Jesus: “Pray the gay away? Are you kidding me? My in-box is overflowing with starving babies and cancer. I don’t have time to fix your kid who isn’t even broken."

 

 

Of course us gays dress well. 

We didn't spend all that time in the closet doing nothing.

 

Stop calling Justin Bieber gay because his music sucks. Freddie Mercury was gay and he made some of the best music in history.

 

How many homophobes does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They fear change. Even if it means making the world a brighter place.

 

My mom and I were watching the Ellen DeGeneres Show on television and she says, “Oh look, my favorite lesbian.” And I said, “But, I thought I was your favorite lesbian.”  And that’s how I came out to my mom.

 

It takes 237 muscles to fake an orgasm. But it only takes 15 to say, “It’s called a clitoris and it’s right here.”

 

One day I hope to live in a country where saying that you’re against gay marriage is as morally repugnant as saying you’re against interracial marriage.

 

I’m a coach. One of my 15-year-old players came out to me. He said he was all alone. The only gay athlete ever. I said, “Nope. Me too.” The look on his face was worth a million bucks.

 

When I came out as gay, my mom threatened to kick me out of the house. But my dad was 100% supportive. My dad kicked my mom out of the house. And now I live with my dad.

 

     

 

Video: Gay Bar, First and 101st Time

Key and Peele: Gay Wedding Advice

Thoughts and Prayers: Randy Rainbow
Stand by Your Man: Rainbow Parody

The Marriage License

Video Montage: Oh Shoot, Now I’m Gay

Liberal Redneck: Florida's Don't-Say-Gay Bill

Queer Humor: Me Gay

Bring Me My Vaccine: Rainbow Parody

SNL Video: Xanax for Gay Summer Weddings

Let’s Queer Things Up

Advocate Magazine: Comedy

Video: Coming Out, First and 101st Time

Onion Movie Critic: Hunger Games, Catching Fire

Randy Rainbow on YouTube

I Can't Even Think Straight

Video Montage: Ain't it Fun!

 

        

 

More Funny Quotes
 

"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night."
-Woody Allen

 

"If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: Hello. Can't work today. Still queer."
-Robin Tyler
 

“I hate the word homophobia. It’s not a phobia. You’re not scared. You’re just an asshole.”

-Morgan Freeman

 

"If Michelangelo had been straight, the Sistine Chapel would have been wallpapered."
-Robin Tyler

"Did you hear about the Scottish drag queen? He wore pants."
-Lynn Lavne

 

   
 

"Outsiders develop humor as a defense.

Why do you think most comedians are gay or Jewish?"
-Paul Lynde

 

"I think gay people are like blondes: There’re fewer of them but they have more fun."
-Rita Mae Brown, Writer

"Homosexuality is God’s way of insuring that the truly gifted aren’t burdened with children."
-Sam Austin, Composer and Lyricist
 

"Because Clare had never let the fact that Mark didn't have a father in his life get in the way of sex education. She'd been showing Mark how to roll condoms onto bananas long before he'd known it was other bananas he was interested in."
-Lisa Henry


"There are easier things in life than being a drag queen. But I ain’t got no choice. Try as I may, I just can’t walk in flats."
-Harvey Fierstein, Filmmaker

"Homophobia is the irrational fear the three queers will break into your house and redecorate it against your will."
-Tom Ammiano, Comic

"Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list."
-Yakov Smirnoff, Comic

 

 

Queer Comics You Should Know

Trae Crowder: Liberal Redneck

Randy Rainbow on CBS Sunday Morning

SNL Coffee Talk with Linda Richman

Miriam Margolyes on Graham Norton Show

The Real Story of Adam and Steve

Video Montage: Fetch Me Something Gay

Trae Crowder: Liberal Redneck

LGBTQ Comedians Who Will Make You Laugh

Key and Peele: Gay Co-Worker

Randy Rainbow: Let's Cut the Shit

Video Montage: Ain't it Fun!

Queer Jokes From LGBTQ Stand-Up Comics

Trae Crowder: What If My Sons Are Gay?

Nothing Like a Wall: Rainbow Parody

SNL Video: Xanax for Gay Summer Weddings

Video: Weird Things Gay Couples Do

Gurl, You're a Karen by Randy Rainbow

Key and Peele: Gay Wedding Advice

Onion Movie Critic: Mama Mia, Here We Go Again

Bible Based Marriage
Liberal Redneck: Florida's Don't-Say-Gay Bill

Sedition: Rainbow Parody

Ellen DeGeneres: Gay Cartoon Characters

Books: Best LGBTQ Humor

Video Montage: Lesbian Lover Day

 

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