Queer Cafe

Pronoun Guide: Support Your Trans Friends

Gender Pronoun Resources

Info: Transgender

Gender Neutral Pronouns

A gender-neutral pronoun or gender-inclusive pronoun is one that gives no implications about gender, and could be used for someone of any gender. People with non-binary gender identities often choose new or unique third-person pronouns for themselves as part of their transition. They often choose gender-neutral pronouns so that others won't see them as female or male. For example, you can use the plural pronouns "them/they/their" as singular pronouns. Or you can use the neopronouns "ze/zem/zir."

For people who identify as transgender, style guides and associations of journalists and health professionals advise use of the pronoun preferred or considered appropriate by the person in question. When dealing with clients or patients, health practitioners are advised to take note of the pronouns used by the individuals themselves, which may involve using different pronouns at different times. This is also extended to the name preferred by the person concerned. LGBTQ advocacy groups also advise using the pronouns and names preferred or considered appropriate by the person concerned.

Ash Hardell Video: All About Pronouns

Gay Straight Alliance for Safe Schools: Preferred Gender Pronouns

Gender Neutral Pronouns: They/Them

Being a Trans Ally: Preferred Gender Pronouns

Gender Neutral Pronouns: They're Here, Get Used to It

Respecting They Pronouns

Why is it important to respect people's PGPs? You can't always know what someone’s PGP is by looking at them. Asking and correctly using someone's preferred pronoun is one of the most basic ways to show your respect for their gender identity. When someone is referred to with the wrong pronoun, it can make them feel disrespected, invalidated, dismissed, alienated, or dysphoric. It is a privilege to not have to worry about which pronoun someone is going to use for you based on how they perceive your gender. If you have this privilege, yet fail to respect someone else's gender identity, it is not only disrespectful and hurtful, but also oppressive.

However, there are some LGBTQ people who are indifferent about the use of preferred gender pronouns. Among famous queer celebrities who do not consider pronouns an issue are RuPaul and Boy George. RuPaul stated: "You can call me he. You can call me she. You can call me Regis and Kathie Lee. I don't care. Just as long as you call me." And Boy George said, "Leave your pronouns at the door. Pronouns are a modern form of attention-seeking."

Gender Neutral Pronouns: They're Here, Get Used to It

Guide to Practicing Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Well-Meaning Cis Friends and Family

Video Chat: How to Use They/Them Pronouns

Boy George: Pronouns are for Attention-Seekers

Gender-Neutral Pronouns 101: Everything You've Always Wanted to Know
NY Times: What's In a Gender Pronoun?

Everything You Need to Know About Neopronouns
Non-Binary Pronouns

Teen Vogue: All Your Questions About Gender Neutral Pronouns Answered

Video: Why Pronouns are Important

Wikipedia: Gender Pronouns

Info: Respectful Language

The use of gender neutral pronouns typically involves the replacement of gender-specific pronouns (he, she, him, her, his, her) with pronouns that are more generic or inclusive. You might use they/them/their as singular pronouns, which is a very popular option. While there are many variations in use, here are popular examples of neopronouns:

He/She    -   Ze or Zie (pronounced Zee)
Him/Her    -   Zem or Zim (pronounced Zem or Zim)
His/Hers   -   Zirs (pronounced Zeers)

Ze and Zem are popular alternate pronouns that are gender neutral and preferred by some transgender people. "Ze" replaces “he” and “she." "Zem" replaces “him” and “her."

Alternatively, some people who are not comfortable with and do not embrace he/she pronouns, may use the plural pronoun “they/their” as a gender neutral singular pronoun.

Mx. is an alternate title for Mr., Miss, Mrs., or Ms. that is gender neutral and preferred by some transgender people.

LGBTQ Resource Center: Gender Pronouns

Preferred Gender Pronouns: Guide for Faculty, Staff, and Allies

Video: Why Pronouns are Important

Guide to Practicing Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Well-Meaning Cis Friends and Family

Oxford Dictionary: Brief History of Singular They

Gender Pronoun Resources

God Updates Mankind on Pronoun Usage

Info: Gender Queer

Here is a summary of pronouns, including gender-specific pronouns, they singular pronouns, and neopronouns:

She

Her

Hers

Herself

He

Him

His

Himself

They

Them

Their

Themself

Xe

Xem/Xim

Xirs/Xyrs

Xirself

Ze

Zem/Zim

Zirs/Zyrs

Zirself

Ey

Em

Eirs

Eirself/Emself

Per

Per

Pers

Perself

Hu

Hum

Hus/Hums

Humself

Gay Straight Alliance for Safe Schools: Preferred Gender Pronouns

Gender-Neutral Pronouns 101: Everything You've Always Wanted to Know

Everything You Need to Know About Neopronouns

Video: Singular They

Being a Trans Ally: Preferred Gender Pronouns

Gender Neutral Pronouns: They're Here, Get Used to It

NY Times: What's In a Gender Pronoun?

Instead of "Hey Guys!" Try These Gender-Neutral Alternatives

Gender Neutral Communication

Simple Animation Explanation: Using They/Them Pronouns

Info: Gender Expression

Pronouns and More

It should be noted that the use of preferred gender pronouns is just part of the overall effort to show respect to transgender and gender non-conforming people through the use of language.

Using pronouns in conversation is typically a matter of talking ABOUT (making a reference to) a transgender or gender non-conforming person. While the transgender or gender non-conforming person may be within earshot of the conversation, generally they are not present.

There are other language considerations that might arise when the situation is a matter of talking TO or WITH (personally addressing) a transgender or gender non-conforming person. In such circumstances, when the transgender or gender non-conforming person is part of the interaction, one should be aware of any number of words, terms, and phrases that communicate an understanding of specific gender...

Sir/Ma'am... Guy/Gal... Man/Woman... Boy/Girl... Gentleman/Lady... Dad/Mom... Bro/Sis...

US House of Reps Adopts Gender Neutral Language Rules

The Problem With "Hey Guys"

Video: Singular They

Oxford Dictionary: Brief History of Singular They

Guide to Practicing Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Well-Meaning Cis Friends and Family

Everything You Need to Know About Neopronouns

Gender Neutral Pronouns: They're Here, Get Used to It

Video Chat: How to Use They/Them Pronouns

Gender Neutral Terms

Oftentimes, it is best to use gender-neutral terms instead of gender-specific terms. There are plenty of reasonable alternatives you can use that make no reference to gender... Clerk... Staff... Crew... Team... Member... Colleague... Co-Worker... Assistant... Associate... Persons... Friends... Pals... People... Peeps... Everyone...

"Folks" is a handy gender-neutral term. It is sometimes rendered as "Folx."

Even innocent-sounding, well-intentioned greetings, like "Hey guys," can be insensitive. You might just drop the "guys" and simply say "hey," "hello," or "hi." Other alternative gender-neutral options might include... Hey All... You All... Y'all...

You can experiment with phrases that are comfortable to you as you rehearse such salutations as... Hello Everyone... Hey Folks... Hello, my Dear Colleagues... Hey Friends... Hello You All... Greetings...

It Feels Very Positive: Eddie Izzard Now Using She/Her Pronouns

They/Them Pronoun Tips

Language of Gender

Gender Neutral Pronouns: They/Them

Pronoun Guide: Support Your Trans Friends

Gender Pronoun Resources

Info: Transgender

The Problem With "Hey Guys"

Person/Individual (Instead of Man)

People (Instead of Men)

Humankind/Humanity (Instead of Mankind)

Partner/Significant Other (Instead of Boyfriend, Girlfriend)

Spouse/Partner (Instead of Husband, Wife)

First-Year Student (Instead of Freshman)

Artificial/Synthetic (Instead of Man-Made)

Face-to-Face (Instead of Man-to-Man)

Parent (Instead of Mother, Father)

Sibling (Instead of Brother, Sister)

Child (Instead of Son, Daughter)

Chair (Instead of Chairman)

Police Officer (Instead of Policeman)

Firefighter (Instead of Fireman)

New Survey: 25% of LGBTQ Youth Use Non-Binary Pronouns

LGBTQ Resource Center: Gender Pronouns

Preferred Gender Pronouns: Guide for Faculty, Staff, and Allies

Gender Neutral Pronoun Blog

It Feels Very Positive: Eddie Izzard Now Using She/Her Pronouns

Use of Preferred Gender Pronouns Expands Trans Acceptance

NY Times: What's In a Gender Pronoun?

Actor (Instead of Actress)

Flight Attendant (Instead of Stewardess)

Sales Representative/Rep/Associate (Instead of Salesman)

Mail Carrier (Instead of Mailman)

Server (Instead of Waitress)

Spokesperson (Instead of Spokesman)

Workers (Instead of Workmen, Men at Work)

Anchor (Instead of Anchorman)

Business Person/Professional (Instead of Businessman)

Legislator/Representative (Instead of Congressman)

Council Member (Instead of Councilman)

Soldiers/Sailors/Pilots (Instead of Men & Women of the Military)

Founder (Instead of Founding Father)

Tailor (Instead of Seamstress)

Artisan (Instead of Craftsman)

Cave Dweller (Instead of Caveman)

It Feels Very Positive: Eddie Izzard Now Using She/Her Pronouns

Respecting They Pronouns

Gender Neutral Communication

Instead of "Hey Guys!" Try These Gender-Neutral Alternatives

Gender Neutral Word List

Gender-Neutral Pronouns 101: Everything You've Always Wanted to Know

God Updates Mankind on Pronoun Usage

Non-Binary Pronouns

Language of Gender

Reciprocity and Understanding

We expect that cis/straight allies are sincere in their effort to extend respect and affirmation to transgender and genderqueer people. We expect that they understand why it is important to use the proper pronouns and the proper name when referring to or interacting with a transgender or genderqueer person. We expect that they are aware of the harm that can be done when someone deadnames a trans person or uses the wrong pronouns. And we expect that they are trying their best to do the right thing on behalf of transgender and genderqueer people.

In the spirit of reciprocity, we also expect that transgender and genderqueer people will extend the same courtesy and respect to cis/straight allies. We expect that transgender and genderqueer people will be patient and understanding of mistakes and mis-steps made by cis/straight allies. We expect that they are aware that cis/straight allies, while sincere in the effort to offer support and affirmation, are not perfect and that they will sometimes make mistakes. We expect that transgender and genderqueer people understand that such errors by cis/straight allies are unintentional and accidental.

Please remember, cis/straight allies are friends of the LGBTQ community. They are not hostile, mean-spirited, judgmental, or callous, but, in fact, seek to be respectful, empathetic, and supportive regarding LGBTQ people. They are not ignorant or uniformed, but, in fact, are very educated regarding LGBTQ issues and concerns. But they are also human, they are flawed, and they are not perfect. Cut them some slack. They do not need to be regarded in the same light as those who purposefully, intentionally, and with conscious malice, cause distress to LGBTQ people. Such anti-LGBTQ people are ignorant and hateful and typically hold unhealthy attitudes and dangerous beliefs regarding LGBTQ people.

How to be a Trans Ally
Basic Trans Ally Manners

Info: LGBTQ Straight Allies

Cis and Flawed: Being a Good Trans Ally
They/Them Pronoun Tips

Being a Trans Ally

Gender Neutral Pronouns: My Personal Pep Talk

Pronouns, Inclusivity, Respect

Candace Gingrich, HRC's Associate Director of Youth & Campus Engagement, says that "using preferred gender pronouns is less about extending courtesy than of practicing basic human dignity."

If you are part of an LGBTQ support group or a gay-straight student alliance, one way to make sure that you are being inclusive and welcoming for transgender or other gender nonconforming people is to incorporate PGPs into your regular intro activities. If you start every meeting by having those present share their names, ask them to share their PGPs as well.

LGBTQ Resource Center: Gender Pronouns

Preferred Gender Pronouns: Guide for Faculty, Staff, and Allies

God Updates Mankind on Pronoun Usage

Pronoun Guide: Support Your Trans Friends

Guide to Practicing Gender-Neutral Pronouns for Well-Meaning Cis Friends and Family

They/Them Pronoun Tips

Oxford Dictionary: Brief History of Singular They

Info: Gender Expression

For example:

My name is Jasmine, I’m a sophomore, and my PGPs are ‘she’ and ‘her’

Hi, I’m Diego, I’m 17, a senior, and my preferred gender pronouns are ‘he’, ‘him’, and ‘his’

In social interactions, simple questions, like these, will communicate respect and acceptance:

What pronouns do you use?
How would you like me to refer to you?
How would you like to be addressed?
Can you remind me which pronouns you like for yourself?
My name is Tom and my pronouns are he and him. What about you?

Buttons and stickers are useful tools for groups to use. Name tags (the peel and stick kind) can be utilized at conferences, meetings, and social events to clarify pronouns.

Hello My Name is..... My Preferred Pronouns are....

Gender Neutral Pronouns: My Personal Pep Talk

Comic Eddie Izzard: Now Using She/Her Pronouns

Struggles You Face When Your Pronouns Are They/Them
Halsey: Using Pronouns That Feel Most Authentic to Them

US House of Reps Adopts Gender Neutral Language Rules

Simple Animation Explanation: Using They/Them Pronouns

In some organizations and offices, staff members may incorporate their PGPs in the signature block of their e-mail messages, as in this example:

Sally Smith
Director of Counseling Services
University of Anywhere
123 Main Street, Anywhere USA 12345
555-1212 / smith@email.com
Pronouns: She/Her/Hers

A note like this one could be included in the footer of an e-mail or business correspondence: "Self-expression and self-identification are among my professional and personal values. One way to practice these values is to share preferred gender pronouns. My name is Samuel and I use she/her pronouns. What pronouns do you use?"

Some people prefer that you use gender neutral or gender inclusive pronouns when talking to or about them. In English, the most commonly used singular gender neutral pronouns are ze (sometimes spelled zie) and hir. “Ze” is the subject pronoun and is pronounced zee, and “hir” is the object and possessive pronoun and is pronounced heer. This is how they are used: “Chris is the tallest person in class, and ze is also the fastest runner.” “Sarah is going to Hawaii over spring break with hir parents. I’m so jealous of hir.”

Gender Neutral Pronoun Blog

Boy George: Pronouns are for Attention-Seekers

Video Chat: How to Use They/Them Pronouns

Everything You Need to Know About Neopronouns

Non-Binary Pronouns

Use of Preferred Gender Pronouns Expands Trans Acceptance