
LGBTQ INFORMATION NETWORK │ RAINBOW OF RESOURCES
LOVE
In a Heartbeat: Animated Gay Love Story
Modern Love by Matt Nathanson
Kissing Around the World
David and
Patrick: Simply the Best
That Kind of Love
What the World Needs Now is Love Sweet Love by Sara
Bareilles
Info: LGBTQ Relationships
Psychology Today: Love and Relationships
Video: Love is Love
Put Your Arms
Around Me and I'm Home
The One I Love by Ellen
Krauss
Endless Love: Audrey and Camille
Fans of Love: Love Has No Labels
Love is Love by Starley
Paige and
Holly: Celebrating Two Year Anniversary
Love
Notes
"The love that dare not speak its name."
-Lord Alfred Douglas
"It is that deep spiritual affection that is as pure as
it is perfect. It is beautiful, it is fine, it is the
noblest form of affection. There is nothing unnatural
about it."
-Oscar Wilde
"What the
world needs now is love sweet love. It's the only thing
that there's just too little of. What the world needs
now is love sweet love. No not just for some but for
everyone."
-Hal David

"Everyday I see you walk
toward me, I feel my heart speed up and I smile. You
love me for me and I love you for you. You're the best
thing in my life!"
-Blogger Comment
"Gay and lesbian people
fall in love. We settle down. We commit our lives to one
another. We raise our children. We protect them. We try
to be good citizens."
-California Sen. Sheila
Kuehl, D-Santa Monica
"We love because it's the
only true adventure."
-Nikki Giovanni
"No government has the
right to tell its citizens when or whom to love."
-Rita Mae Brown
“No one in America should
ever be afraid to walk down the street holding the hand
of the person they love.”
-President Barack Obama
"Straight Americans need
an education of the heart and soul. They must
understand, to begin with, how it can feel to spend
years denying your own deepest truths, to sit silently
through classes, meals, and church services while people
you love toss off remarks that brutalize your soul."
-Bruce Bawer, The
Advocate, 1998
"Who would give a law to
lovers? Love is unto itself a higher law."
-Boethius, Consolation of
Philosophy, AD 524
"There's this illusion
that homosexuals have sex and heterosexuals fall in
love. That's completely untrue. Everybody wants to be
loved."
-Boy George
"Love is
at the root of everything. Love or the lack of it."
-Fred
Rogers
"I say
that homosexuality is not just a form of sex, it’s a
form of love, and it deserves our respect for that
reason."
-Christopher Hitchens
"What are you trying to
protect heterosexual marriages from? There isn't a
limited amount of love. It isn't a non-renewable
resource. If Amy and Barbara or Mike and Steve love
each other, it doesn't mean that John and Mary can't."
-Ed Fallon
"Somebody,
your father or mine, should have told us that not many
people have ever died of love. But multitudes have
perished, and are perishing every hour, and in the
oddest places, for the lack of it."
-James
Baldwin
"I met a young man who
was wounded in love, I met another man who was wounded
in hatred."
-Bob Dylan
Intimacy: Whys, Hows, How-Nots, So-Nots
Amanda and Amber's Wedding
Could It Be I'm Falling in Love
TED Talks: Love is Love
Dani and Sophie: Tell Her You Love Her
What True Love Really Is
He Loves Me He Loves Me Not
Wikipedia: Love
Queer Couple Talk Love and Poetry
Somebody to Love
Anni and Jasmin
Nothing Taboo: Love Song for the Outcast
Love Story: Vaibhav and Parag
To Love Somebody
Francis and Nicholas
Blind Date: Two Guys With Great Chemistry
Amelia and Luisita
Love is Love: Free to Be Me
Natasha and Elise: I'll Have You

Love Me Tender
Love Panky: What Kind of Lover Are You?
Handsome Man
Info: Same Sex
Marriage
Tina and Bette: All My Life
Dare to Love
Falling in Love With My Boyfriend
Aisha and Yiren
Lesbian Couple Marries Atop Empire State Building
Endless Love: Audrey and Camille
My
Dear Friend
Daisy and Taylor: The Story of How We Met
Jen and Judy: You
Mean the World to Me
Info: Sensuality and Desire
Romeo and Julio
Billboard: Love Letters to the LGBTQ Community
Audrey and Camille
She Means Everything to Me
My
Love My Life: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
I Choose You by Sara Bareilles
Rock and Archie: Can't Take My Eyes Off
of You
Gail and Audrey: Unexpected Love Story
Psychology Today: Seven Types of Love
Meant to Be
Daniel and John's Wedding
Short LGBTQ Film: Let Me Love You
Info: LGBTQ Relationships
Dani and Sophie:
Tell Her You Love Her
James Corden: Teaching Children About Gay Relationships
What the World Needs Now is Love Sweet Love by Sara
Bareilles
Nina: You Love Me Entirely
Be My Honeypie by the Weepies
Paige and
Holly: Celebrating Two Year Anniversary
TJ
and Cyrus: Crush
Love Story: Beautiful Florida Lesbian Wedding
Petra and Jane: I Love You
Kiss Cam: Girls Kissing Girls

Defining Love
What is love? According
to Merriam-Webster, love is defined as "a strong
affection for another arising out of kinship or personal
ties. It is attraction based on sexual desire. It is
affection and tenderness felt by lovers. It is
affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common
interests. It is an assurance of affection. It is warm
attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion.”
According to Wikipedia, love encompasses a variety of
strong and positive emotional and mental states, ranging
from the most sublime virtue or good habit, the deepest
interpersonal affection and to the simplest pleasure.
Most commonly, love refers to a feeling of strong
attraction and emotional attachment. Love can also be a
virtue representing human kindness, compassion, and
affection, as the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern
for the good of another. It may also describe
compassionate and affectionate actions towards others or
one's self.
Love in its various forms acts as a major facilitator of
interpersonal relationships and has been postulated to
be a function to keep human beings together against
menaces and to facilitate the continuation of the
species.
Comments gleaned from the
Urban Dictionary describe love as the most spectacular,
indescribable, deep euphoric feeling for someone.

Love is an incredibly
powerful word. When you're in love, you always want to
be together, and when you're not, you're thinking about
being together because you need that person and without
them your life is incomplete.
This love is
unconditional affection with no limits or conditions:
completely loving someone. It's when you trust the other
with your life and when you would do anything for each
other. When you love someone you want nothing more than
for them to be truly happy no matter what it takes
because that's how much you care about them and because
their needs come before your own. You hide nothing of
yourself and can tell the other anything because you
know they accept you just the way you are and vice
versa.
It's when they're the
last thing you think about before you go to sleep and
when they're the first thing you think of when you wake
up, the feeling that warms your heart and leaves you
overcome by a feeling of serenity. Love involves wanting
to show your affection and/or devotion to each other.
It's the smile on your face you get when you're thinking
about them and miss them.
Love can make you do
anything and sacrifice for what will be better in the
end. Love is intense, and passionate. Everything seems
brighter, happier and more wonderful when you're in
love. If you find it, don't let it go.
Love Panky: Types of Relationships
Different Kind of Love Song
TED Talks: Love is Love
Info: Sensuality
To
The Girl I Love
Love Panky: What Kind of Lover Are You?
To Love Somebody
Love is Love: Free to Be Me
Edie and Amanda: Falling in Love
Blame it on the Girls
Blind Date: Two Guys With Great Chemistry
The
Meaning of Love
Anni and Jasmin
TED Talk: Queer Vision for Love and Marriage

Famous Same Sex Couples
Love Me Tender
Paige and
Holly: Celebrating Two Year Anniversary
Could It Be I'm Falling in Love
Music Video: Kiss Like a Woman
Love is Love by Starley
Video Advice: Unique LGBTQ Dating Problems
Comment on Commitment
What the World Needs Now is Love Sweet Love by Broadway
Actors
Flor and Jazmin
How Do You Know It's Love?
Jen and Judy:
You Mean the World to Me
Lizzie and Grace's Wedding
Info: LGBTQ Relationships
She Means Everything to Me
Somebody to Love
Short LGBTQ Film: Let Me Love You

The psychoanalyst Erich
Fromm said that we expend too much energy on "falling in
love" and need to learn more how to "stand in love."
Psychologically speaking,
there is a difference between compassionate and
passionate love. Compassionate love is characterized by
mutual respect, attachment, affection, and trust.
Compassionate love usually develops out of feelings of
mutual understanding and shared respect for one another.
Passionate love is characterized by intense emotions,
sexual attraction, anxiety, and affection.
According to Thought
Catalog, "Love means not needing constant contact, in
person or via text, to feel secure. It means trusting
them in every way possible and earning their reciprocal
trust in you. Love means loving yourself, too. It means
always being your organic self and never shifting to fit
another person's standard."

According to the New
Testament, “Love is patient. Love is kind and envies no
one. Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude. It
is never selfish. It is not quick to take offence. Love
keeps no score of wrongs. It does not gloat over
another's sins, but delights in the truth. There is
nothing love cannot face. There is no limit to its
faith, its hope, and its endurance. There are three
things that last forever: faith, hope, and love. But the
greatest of them is love.”
Thomas Aquinas described
love as, "to will the good of another."
Plato defined love as an
appreciation of the beauty within a person. Plato does
not talk of physical attraction as a necessary part of
love, hence the use of the word “platonic” to mean,
"without physical attraction."
According to Sophocles,
“One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life:
That word is love.”
Rules for LGBTQ Dating
In a Heartbeat: Animated Gay Love Story
Rock and Archie: Rescue My Heart
Endless Love: Audrey and Camille
Info: Marriage Equality
Video: Love Advice to My Younger Self
Julia and Abby's Wedding
James Corden: Teaching Children About Gay Relationships
To Love Somebody
Dani and Sophie: Tell Her You Love Her
You Make Me Happy
Love Wins: The Faces of Marriage Equality

Info: LGBTQ Relationships
Francis and Nicholas
Carmilla and Laura: Beautiful Moments
What is Your Love Language?
Cosmo: Lesbians Reveal Exact Moment They Fell in Love
Jen and Judy: Hold Me While You Wait
Love Panky: Types of Relationships
Essence: Liberated and Loved
My
Love My Life: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Pride: Gay Love
Stories
She Means Everything to Me
Video Advice: Honesty, Tenderness, Loving
Relationships
Info: Sensuality and Desire
Short Film: Together Forever
Arne and Alex's Wedding

Love Sweet Love
I have discovered that we
all want to be loved, and to love. That is, we all
desire to be deeply cared about and to care about
others. True love is unconditional. No matter what you
or another person says or does, express your love and
then deal with the specific disliked behavior.
What the world needs now is lots of love which is the
opposite of fear. Accept your and others’ differences.
Take the time to love yourself and others
unconditionally, spread deep caring that is the key to
loving relationships and to a loving world.
There are certain characteristics we show when we are in
love. Selfless behavior shows that you are not just
thinking about yourself, but that you’re also concerned
about your partners needs as well. You will be concerned
about your partner’s growth in life, and become more
supportive and understanding, even if you feel like
being critical. You will have a desire to forgive, and
realize that no one is perfect in life.

Your love grows when you are able to focus on the good
things about someone. You will see both the positive and
the negative side of someone, but you will love them no
matter what. When your partner does that little thing
that irritates you, it will be easier to look past it.
You will realize that it’s not worth getting angry over,
and causing a scene. Love allows for anger, but in a
controlled manner. Love is about being able to
compromise. If emotional pain was caused you’re allowed
to let your partner know when they have done wrong.
Love is about caring and showing affection and intimacy
towards the other person. You will have a romantic
desire towards your partner, not a lustful desire. With
a romantic desire to be intimate and affectionate
towards your partner, an emotional bond will grow
between the two of you. It will become stronger overtime
and will bring you closer together.
[Source: Love Z]
In a Heartbeat: Animated Gay Love Story
Modern Love by Matt Nathanson
Kissing Around the World
David and
Patrick: Simply the Best
That Kind of Love
What the World Needs Now is Love Sweet Love by Sara
Bareilles
Info: LGBTQ Relationships
Psychology Today: Love and Relationships
Video: Love is Love
Put Your Arms
Around Me and I'm Home
The One I Love by Ellen
Krauss

Endless Love: Audrey and Camille
Fans of Love: Love Has No Labels
Love is Love by Starley
Paige and
Holly: Celebrating Two Year Anniversary
Video Advice: Honesty, Tenderness, Loving
Relationships
Dancing in the Living Room
Essence: Liberated and Loved
Flor and Jazmin
Comment on Love
Jen and Judy:
You Mean the World to Me
Info: Passion
David and
Patrick: Simply the Best
Make Me Complete
Love Wins: The Faces of Marriage Equality
Blame it on the Girls
Alex and Dustin's Wedding
Say I Love You
All I Want is You from Juno Soundtrack
TED Talk: Queer Vision of Love and Marriage
My Summer of Love
Edie and Amanda: Falling in Love
What the World Needs Now is Love Sweet Love by Broadway
Actors
Love Me Tender
Video Advice: What Should We Expect From Love?
Love Panky: What Kind of Lover Are You?
The One I Love by Ellen
Krauss
Paige and Holly:
Celebrating Two Year Anniversary
Somebody to Love
Romeo and Julio
It’s All Greek to Me
The Greek language
distinguishes at least seven different ways as to how
the word love is used. Ancient Greek has distinct words
for love: eros, philia, storge, ludus, pragma, philautia,
and agape. However, as with other languages, it has been
historically difficult to separate the meanings of these
words when used outside of their respective contexts.
Nonetheless, the senses in which these words were
generally used are as follows:
 
Eros - Sexual passion.
Intimate love. Romantic love. Erotic desire.
Philia - Affectionate
regard or friendship. Dispassionate virtuous love.
Brotherly love. Comradery. Loyalty to friends, family,
and community, and requires virtue, equality, and
familiarity.
Storge - Common or
natural empathy, like that felt by parents for their
children. Tolerance and acceptance.
Ludus - Playful love.
Flirting and teasing. Laughing with friends.
Socializing. Dancing with strangers.
Pragma – Longstanding
love. Mature love. Deep understanding that develops
between couples that have been together for a long time.
It is about making compromises to help the relationship
work over time, and showing patience and tolerance.
Philautia – Love of one’s
self. Self-esteem. The idea is that if you like
yourself and feel secure in yourself, you will have
plenty of love to give others. All friendly feelings for
others are an extension of one's feelings for one’s
self.
Agape – Charity.
Unconditional and unselfish love. Spiritual love. Love
for everyone.

Love Stories
Laura & Fawn
Hattie & Amorie
Dick & Bob
Jan & Lauren
Jon & Robert
Octavia & Deborah
Eric & Stan
Steve & Mark

Deities of Love
Greek god of love: Eros
Greek goddess of love:
Aphrodite
Roman god of love: Cupid
Roman goddess of love:
Venus
Weird and Annoying Questions Gay Couples
Get Asked
Everybody Wants to Be Loved by Ingrid
Michaelson
TED Talks: Love is Love
Natasha and Elise: I'll Have You
TJ
and Cyrus: Can't Help Falling in Love With You
Info: Sex, Attraction,
Attachment
Video Story: Lover's Night Routine
Carmine and Ryan's
Wedding
Jen and Judy: Hold Me While You Wait
Video: Love is Love
Mythology: Gods and Goddesses of Love
Huffington Post: Characteristics of Real
Love
Comment on Trust
TED Talk: Queer Vision of Love and Marriage
Info: Marriage Equality
Romeo and Julio

I Choose You by Sara Bareilles
To Love Somebody
She Means Everything to Me
Endless Love: Audrey and Camille
Healthy Girl-Girl Relationship
Love Panky: Types of Relationships
Jesse and Lily's Wedding
Video Advice: What Should We Expect From Love?
The One I Love by Ellen
Krauss
Francis and Nicholas
Jen and Judy: You Mean the World to Me
Kissing Around the World
Same Sex Couples: What it's Like to be Legally
Married
Love Wins: The Faces of Marriage Equality
What Does it Feel Like to Be in Love?
Info: LGBTQ Relationships
Somebody to Love
Dani and Sophie: Tell Her You Love Her

Intimacy
To be intimate means
to make known, to get close, or to open up. Intimacy is
about seeking or having closeness of some kind with
someone. When we're being intimate with another person,
we're letting them (or they're letting us) get closer by
inviting and allowing each other into places beneath the
visible surfaces of ourselves; places we don't show to
just anyone, or places people can only really come into
if we invite them.
Healthy intimacy involves intentionally, willingly and
safely sharing more private, vulnerable parts of our
hearts, minds, bodies or lives with each other, and
having others share with us in ways we want and feel
comfortable with. Intimacy asks for transparency (being
open and honest), vulnerability (letting our guard
down), trust, and a means of communicating or
connecting. When we're experiencing healthy intimacy,
we'll tend to feel accepted or accepting, known or more
knowing, valued just as the people we are, not because
we did something important or something that someone
wanted, and, since so many of us keep so much of our
inner selves reigned in tightly so much of the time,
we'll tend to feel a certain sense of peace or release
by loosening those reins.
Intimacy is something that can happen in a brief period
of time and can be built over time, so it becomes
deeper, there's more of it, or it's something we
experience more often. A truly shared intimacy involves
both or all people involved sharing and being shared
with. Shared intimacy requires all people involved be
open and receptive, vulnerable, trusting and
trustworthy, sharing and communicating together, not
just one person.
Intimacy: Whys, Hows, How-Nots, So-Nots
In a Heartbeat: Animated Gay Love Story
Four
Weddings and a Funeral: Funeral Scene
Tyler and Matthew's Wedding
Paige and
Holly: Celebrating Two Year Anniversary
Video Advice: Unique LGBTQ Dating Problems
Info: LGBTQ Relationships
Gail and Audrey: Unexpected Love Story
Love Panky: What Kind of Lover Are You?
Blame it on the Girls
Fans of Love: Love Has No Labels
Video Love Story: How We Met
Flor and Jazmin
People Reveal Their Definitions of Love
Info: Sensuality
Kiss Cam: Girls Kissing Girls
I'm So In Love With You, Elizabeth
Psychology Today:
Love
and Relationships
Marlene and Carrie's Wedding
Short LGBTQ Film: Let Me Love You
Love Me Tender
Tea for Two: Can Two Strangers Fall in Love?
Love is Love by Starley

Real Love
Boy George is quoted
as saying,
"There's this illusion
that homosexuals have sex and heterosexuals fall in
love. That's completely untrue. Everybody wants to be
loved."
This unfair
misconception among some members of society represents a narrow-minded view
that same-sex couples are guided by lustful
desires, while heterosexual couples, motivated by purer
intentions, are oriented towards
real relationships. Nothing could be farther
from the truth.
LGBTQ people are no
different in their pursuit of love and relationships
than straight people. The myopic focus on just the physical sex act
is ignorant and insulting, and totally
misses the point. That kind of skewed perspective views the
love and affection of same-sex couples as illegitimate, less valid,
less real. Such an opinion devalues and dismisses the
caring, affection and romance that is exchanged between
two people who are truly in love with each other.
According to the website, AllRiot, "As an integral part
of human society, lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender,
queer, and intersex individuals have the right to free
expression, free love, and yes, overpriced
wedding cakes. We should have the freedom to choose a
partner. Love is all around, and your choice of who to
share it with is more important than the orifice you
choose to use."
As society becomes more educated and open-minded on the
subject, hopefully it will soon come to understand that love is love,
and that real love is experienced by all definitions and
manifestations of relationships. With a more enlightened
insight into the personal lives of everyday LGBTQ
people, society will begin to see
that same-sex interactions are more than just the
physical sex act and more than what couples do in bed.
In the LGBTQ community, deep, genuine love is an
important and profound element of a real, day-to-day, committed
relationship. As with any serious relationship, LGBTQ
couples seek to enjoy a loving bond based on mutual respect,
emotional depth, and spiritual connectedness.
Could It Be I'm Falling in Love
Petra and Jane: I Love You
Video Advice: Honesty, Tenderness, Loving
Relationships
Jen and Judy: Hold Me While You Wait
Info:
Making Love
TED Talks: Love is Love
Blame it on the Girls
Video Story: Lover's Night Routine
How Do You Know It's Love?
To
The Girl I Love
Wikipedia: Love
Madison and Erin: Oregon Wedding
My
Dear Friend
Love is Love Photography Project
Natasha and Elise: I'll Have You
Info: Let's Talk About Sex
Romeo and Julio
People Reveal Their Definitions of Love
Somebody to Love
Amelia and Luisita
Love Panky: Types of Relationships
Normal Heart: I'll Never Love Again
She
Means Everything to Me
Info: Sensuality
Love is Love: Free to Be Me
What the World Needs Now is Love Sweet Love by Broadway
Actors
Dani and Sophie: Tell Her You Love Her
Blind Date: Two Guys With Great Chemistry
Info: Marriage Equality
Jen and Judy:
You Mean the World to Me
Endless Love: Audrey and Camille
Ancient Greeks: Seven Words for Love
Meant to Be
Kia and Tanika's Wedding
Billboard: Love Letters to the LGBTQ Community
The Ultimate Wedding Party
Video: Alternative Words for Love
The Love That Dare Not Speak its Name
"The love that dare not speak its name" is a phrase from
the last line of the poem "Two Loves" by Lord Alfred
Douglas, written in September 1892 and published in the
Oxford magazine The Chameleon in December 1894.
Douglas, nicknamed Bosie, was a British poet and
journalist and best known as the lover of Oscar Wilde.
The verse from Douglas' poem was mentioned at Oscar
Wilde's gross indecency trial and is usually interpreted
as a euphemism for homosexuality. To this day the iconic
verse has come to be a poetic description of same-sex
love.
In Wilde's definition, "the love that dare not speak its
name" was: "a great affection of an elder for a
younger man ... such as Plato made the very basis of his
philosophy ... It is that deep, spiritual affection that
is as pure as it is perfect ... There is nothing
unnatural about it. It is intellectual, and it
repeatedly exists between an elder and a younger man,
when the elder man has intellect, and the younger man
has all the joy, hope and glamour of life before him."
Today, Oscar Wilde's love letters to Douglas are
well-known.
Later, Robertson Davis would exclaim, "The love that
dare not speak its name has become the love that won't
shut up."
Lord Alfred Douglas: My Lover
Career-Ending Love Affairs
Opera: The Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name
Stephen Frye as Oscar Wilde: Scene From Film
Oscar Wilde's Love Letters to Alfred Douglas

How Gay Hearts Can Beat the Valentine's Day Blues
Dear Adam, I truly hate Valentine’s Day. As soon as
Valentine’s Day ads start I get moody and cranky. I
think it’s worse for gay people, don’t you? Signed,
Bitter and Alone in Boston.
Dear Bitter and Alone in Boston, I get it. Valentine’s
Day can be a pretty lonely day. Research shows that
loneliness is an epidemic in our country. And it’s not
just a gay thing. Straight people are lonely too.
One in six people are lonely and the numbers keep
increasing. Only one-half of young people have daily,
meaningful interactions with others. The UK has even
appointed a minister of loneliness. It’s so common and
normal, and yet so stigmatized. That makes the pain of
loneliness even worse.
Are gay people more lonely than straight people? There
aren’t any research studies specifically on LGBTQ
loneliness, but the answer is probably “yes.” Sadly, the
math equation is pretty simple: social stigma + family
rejection + religious rejection + Republican party
political rejection = more loneliness, more suicide,
more substance abuse for LGBTQ people.
And what did most parents in the 1970s and earlier say
when their children came out? “You’ll grow old alone.”
No one over 30 grew up with cultural themes of gay
people surrounded by loving friends and family. As LGBTQ
people, we have a lot to unpack and relearn.

Here are my three suggested steps to moving beyond
loneliness and towards the connections you are dreaming
about:
Step 1: Be a Much Better Friend to You
Most good stuff in life starts with examining and
improving your relationship with you. That means
quieting your inner critic. This is a life-long process.
You’ll never fully be done. And that’s okay. However,
once you are kinder to yourself it becomes much easier
to navigate the complicated and scary world of other
people. You don’t have to fully love yourself to love
others. But you will get there faster as your compassion
for yourself grows.
Step 2: Unpack the Current Culture
We have relationships with ourselves, with others, and
also with the culture. Most of us downplay the role of
culture in our behavior, but it is profound. The first
step is acknowledging that the culture is based on some
unhealthy assumptions. Here are some of the messages of
contemporary culture which leads to our increasing
loneliness:
-Texting and electronic communication is good enough
-Look happy and popular on social media, even when you
are not
-Lots of sex with new people makes you happier and
happier
-If you spend most of your time at work making money
will get you what you want
-The answer to feeling more connected is one more drink
-Work remotely, away from your colleagues, and get
everything delivered so you don’t interact with your
local people.
Most LGBTQ folks eventually earn to push against the
dominant beliefs of their time as they come out. Can you
push against these lonely cultural practices and work
towards something different even though it seems like
everyone is doing them? It takes bravery and a little
discipline to push against the culture. But that’s how
you inoculate yourself from the loneliness epidemic.

Step 3: Take One of These Practical Steps or Try on One
of These New Beliefs
Eventually, you’ll need to go
where the people are if you want to feel less lonely.
Here’s what works:
-Join groups even though you really, really, really
don’t want to.
-If the group activity is disappointing, make a
commitment not to torture yourself afterward and instead
give yourself amazing, generous credit for trying.
-Expect the process of connection to take a long time.
Only children and college students make friends fast.
Kids are open. Grown-ups are not.
-If you are uncomfortable in groups just ask people
questions and authentically compliment them. That’s all
you have to do.
-Time + vulnerability = love + friendship. Give it time,
but also take mini-risks in revealing slightly
vulnerable things. No vulnerability = no love.
-Catch yourself when you start to think you are the only
lonely one. That is a distorted thought. Remember, you
are living in an epidemic.
-Realize you only need two close friends as confidants.
And you also need community. Community means people who
know your name, smile when they see you, but maybe don’t
know that much about you.
-Notice when you start to think everyone is judging you
at an event. This is a cognitive distortion. Unless you
are a celebrity, people are not thinking about you. They
are thinking about themselves.
[Source: Adam D. Blum,
Relationship Expert, Marriage & Family Therapist,
Founder of Gay Therapy Center, Advocate Magazine,
February 14 2020]

How Gay Hearts Can Beat the Valentine's Day Blues
Could It Be I'm Falling in Love
Love Me Tender
David and
Patrick: Simply the Best
Video Advice: Honesty, Tenderness, Loving
Relationships
TED Talks: Love is Love
My
Love My Life: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Natasha and Elise: I'll Have You
She Means Everything to Me
To Love Somebody
How Do You Know It's Love?
Hannah and Sadie: Love Languages for Lesbians
Make Me Complete
Jen and Judy: Hold Me While You Wait
Love Panky: What Kind of Lover Are You?
People Reveal Their Definitions of Love
Info: Passion and Desire
What the World Needs Now is Love Sweet
Love by Broadway Actors
Audrey and Camille
Blind Date: Two Guys With Great Chemistry
Blame it on the Girls
Ancient Greeks: Seven Words for Love
Nina: You Love Me Entirely
Billboard: Love Letters to the LGBTQ Community
The Ultimate Wedding Party

Love is in the Air
Five couples share their secrets to a long, happy, and
healthy relationship...
--Nelson Roman and his partner Manny Hernandez
--John Trobaugh and his husband Jeroan Allison
--Mason Dunn and his wife Lauren Willford
--Andi Wheeler and her fiancée Meredith Munn
--Paul Fahey and his partner Benny Chan
When asked about the secret to a healthy relationship.
Roman and Hernandez, who have been together for over six
months, said many ingredients go into the recipe of
relationships. “To me, the secret to any relationship
begins with trust,” Roman said. “Add in some respect,
genuine friendship, open and honest communication, fun,
laughter, romance, and random acts of showing each other
you love one another, and you should have the
foundation.” “It all begins with communication,”
Hernandez added.

Fahey, who has been with Chan since July of 2014, said
communication was the key to getting through the good
and bad times. “Obviously openness and honesty is
important, but just as much so are those occasions where
one or both of us makes a mistake and has to address
something that can be embarrassing or painful,” he said.
Trobaugh, who has been with his husband for 25 years and
has a 10-year-old son named Ryan, said that acting out of
love and compromise were most important. “People
say love is a verb and I believe it,” Trobaugh said.
“When we were just friends and dating we made sure that
our core values were in line with each other’s. We both
have a strong sense of contributing to society and
giving back in a variety of ways.”
Andi Wheeler, speaking of her fiancée Meredith Munn,
said making space for your significant other to grow is
“super important.” “Being part of a couple is wonderful
and fun, but it’s also important to grow as separate
individuals,” Wheeler said. “If you hold your partner
back or put your own needs on the back burner, it can
hurt the relationship.”

For Dunn and Willford, who met at summer camp while in
college, the “secret” is no secret at all. “I don’t
think it’s as easy as one thing, nor should it be a
secret,” Dunn said. “For us, it’s been about
communication, patience, and authenticity.”
Willford believes a strong relationship requires
something deeper. “One of the secrets for us is that
while we are partners, we started out, 11 years ago, as
friends,” Willford said. “Her compassion is towards the
top of my list,” Dunn said of Willford when discussing
their long-last relationship. “She has a never-ending
well of kindness and compassion that extends to
children, animals, and people.” Willford said she loved
Dunn’s work ethic and drive. “He’s not afraid of
challenges, or getting into the struggle of problem
solving,” Willford said. “He’s a bit of a perfectionist,
but he works hard to bring out the best in everything he
puts his mind to.”
Trobaugh said the differences between he and Allison
were what attracted them to each other. “Our
personalities couldn’t be more different,” Trobaugh
said. “I’m an artist and he is a scientist. My favorite
part of my husband’s personality is his genuine
inquisitive nature.” He said Allison is prone to
asking questions to get to the root cause of a problem
or a bad mood or simply commit a random act of kindness.

Fahey said he admires Chan’s sense of humor and his
approach to life. “He is passionate about travel, which
we share, and music, which we don’t,” Fahey said. “I
love seeing him express that passion and share those
feelings with me. I do the same with him about books and
politics.”
Wheeler said she is fortunate to have a fiancée with an
ability to prepare for the future. “She’s always working
to make our future together better,” Wheeler said.
“She’s able to see how things will evolve and do the
planning that I’m so bad at. We have such a bright
future together and it’s all because of her.”
Roman agreed that Hernandez’s sense of humor is important.
“He knows how to make
me smile and laugh,” he said. Hernandez said he found Roman’s
youthful and passionate spirit the most attractive and
that the personality traits were so numerous he didn’t
know where to begin. “The first thing that comes to mind
is Nelson’s sincere heart,” Hernandez said. “Nelson
continues to wear his heart on his sleeve. Also, Nelson
has the heart of a child and like myself enjoys the
simple things in life.”
[Source: Alex Gentile, Rainbow Times]
Intimacy: Whys, Hows, How-Nots, So-Nots
TJ
and Cyrus: Can't Help Falling in Love With You
Info: Sensuality
In a Heartbeat: Animated Gay Love Story
Video Love Story: How We Met
Four
Weddings and a Funeral: Funeral Scene
Aisha and Yiren
Love Panky: Types of Relationships
What the World Needs Now is Love Sweet Love by Sara
Bareilles
Say I Love You
Info: LGBTQ Relationships
Justin and Jo's
Wedding
Tea for Two: Can Two Strangers Fall in Love?
Flor and Jazmin
Psychology Today: Love and Relationships
Love Story: Vaibhav and Parag
Info: Same Sex
Marriage
Video Advice: What Should We Expect From Love?
Could It Be I'm Falling in Love

Crazy Love
Love is insane. Really.
Finally there is scientific validation for the insanity
one feels when we fall in love. Researchers have
discovered that the brain's chemistry of infatuation is
akin to mental illness, which gives new meaning to the
phrase "falling madly in love."
The research findings,
reported in National Geographic, found that the cocktail
of brain chemicals that spark romance are not the same
as the ones that foster long-term commitments. So, every
year as we celebrate Valentine's Day, we might want to
think (which is almost impossible when one's brain is
flooded with the delirium of passion) about the
longer-term consequences of our libidinous desires.

Those who have felt the
unrelenting craziness of passionate love know that
reason and reality fly out the window once one's true
love enters the scene. Work, bill paying,
responsibilities, sleep (even getting regular food) can
all fall apart, and we find we have unlimited energies
to devote to our beloved. The good news is that the
brain has a built in protection mechanism. The insanity
doesn't last.
Researchers found that
the brains of people in love respond similarly to when
it gets a surge of dopamine. Cocaine users describe an
increasing tolerance for the drug as time goes by, and a
need for more and more of a fix, and lovers' brains do
the same thing. After a while the high just wears off.
Although the loss of the rush can be a letdown, for
those who need to hold down a job and keep the utilities
on, it is probably a good thing.

That is not to say that
passionate love cannot morph into long-term happiness.
Many couples in the studies reported that their first
blush of passion was overwhelming, but that as time went
on the irresistible urge to bed each other became
tempered by another desire, to talk to each other and
spend time having fun together in other ways. The
relationships that stand the test of time are the ones
in which the lovers discover that they actually like
each other, as well as drive each other mad with desire.
As each of you celebrate
this day of love, we encourage you to enjoy the
unquenchable thirst that our brain chemistry provides
when we find the one that turns us into that lunatic we
hardly recognize as ourselves. Relax and enjoy it. It
should be a relief to know that you are not permanently
insane, just crazy in love.
And if you're lucky in
love too, the one that drives you mad between the sheets
will be the same person that you like to talk to across the
dinner table.
[Source: PrideSource,
2006, Between The Lines News]
Intimacy: Whys, Hows, How-Nots, So-Nots
In a Heartbeat: Animated Gay Love Story
Video Love Story: How We Met
Jen and Judy: Hold Me While You Wait
Four
Weddings and a Funeral: Funeral Scene
Endless Love: Audrey and Camille
What the World Needs Now is Love Sweet Love by Sara
Bareilles
Info: LGBTQ Relationships
Justin and Jo's Wedding
Tea for Two: Can Two Strangers Fall in Love?
Psychology Today: Love and Relationships
Blame it on the Girls
Love Story: Vaibhav and Parag

Video Advice: What Should We Expect From Love?
Could It Be I'm Falling in Love
Fans of Love: Love Has No Labels
Info: Sensuality, Libido, Lust,
Desire
TED Talks: Love is Love
What is Your Love Language?
Kate and Julia's Wedding
Lesbian Couples:
Somewhere Only We Know
Same Sex Couples: What it's Like to be Legally
Married
Kissing Around the World
My
Dear Friend
Five Year Anniversary
Lovestruck: Lesbian Short Film
What True Love Really Is
Wikipedia: Love
Info:
Making Love
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