LGBTQ INFORMATION NETWORK │ RAINBOW OF RESOURCES

SENSUAL

 

Sexy, Sensual, or Intimate?
Aida and Alba

Seniorita: Sensual, Cute, Romantic

Traits of the Sensually Awake Woman
Iris and Mardou

Tom Goss: Breath and Sound

Info: Falling in Love

Valentina and Juliana

Black Queer Writers: Queer Sensuality

Ji Soo and Yoon Ju

Nofar and Sarit: Sensual Bachata Dance

To Love Somebody

Aisha and Yiren

Beneath the Layers: What is Sensuality?
Heart Love

Tina and Bette: Nights in White Satin

Jessica Jones: Kiss and Cello Scene

Different Types of Hugs

Pink and Mari

 

Defining Sensuality

 

Sensuality is an appeal to the senses. Sensuality relates to or involves gratification of physical, especially sexual, pleasure. It consists of an indulgence of appetite. It is devoted to or preoccupied with the carnal appetites or fleshly desires. Sensuality is pleasurable and sexy. It is about giving pleasure to the body and senses rather than the mind. It often is used in a sexual context, but is not exclusively sexual in meaning. In other words, sensuality can be sexual, but it doesn’t have to be. Anything that makes you feel physically good can be sensual. Examples include titillating images, pleasant sounds, tantalizing fragrances, delicious food, balmy air, cool wind, having a massage, bathing, hugging, flirting, teasing, eating peanut butter, beautiful music, dancing, drinking wine, smelling flowers, and watching a sunset.

 

Sexual Signature

 

Sensuality as a sexual signature is the ability to fully experience (and enjoy) one's senses. Smelling, tasting, seeing, hearing, touching, and feeling combine to awaken the body and can strongly contribute to a sexual connection. It may simply be a matter of the sexual style (or sexual pattern) that you and your partner prefer. Do you feel excitement with your partner when things are fast, rough and intense?  Or when things are more slow, tender and gentle?


The term “sensuality” has often (and falsely) been confused with “sexuality” only. However, your sensuality is about how in tune you are with your senses (sound, sight, smell, taste and touch) and how all of them help to arouse sexual desires. Feeling sensual will contribute to the intimacy of your sexual experiences, but more importantly, it will allow you to enjoy life’s pleasures on a new level.

Sensuality is a holistic physical experience and couples are encouraged to embrace it. It’s about being present, connecting with your surroundings and with your inner self. We should all learn to explore our levels of sensuality.

 

How to Kiss a Woman

Love Me Tender

Defining and Identifying Libido Type
Too Close: Gia and Linda

Heaven by Troye Sivan and Betty Who

Kalinda and Lana: Say I Am

Floating Novelties

Dancing Scene: Max and Sam

Tia and Nadine

Blame it on the Girls

Heloïse and Marianne: Sensual Tension

Info: Having Sex

Flor and Jazmin

Rock and Archie: Rescue My Heart

Sara and Lexus

Kissing You, Loving You

Somebody to Love

She Means Everything to Me

 

 

Gay Love

Mia and Pauline

Embrace Your Sensuality: Body Awareness
Moves by Bright Light Bright Light

Nina and Manuela

Kang Ji-woo and Yoon Ji-woo

Infatuation

The Man I Love

Nina and Lisa: Something Wild

Francis and Nicholas

Gia and Linda

Yoon Bok and Jeong Hyang: Painter of the Wind

Reaching for the Moon: When Birds Kiss

Samantha and Taylor: Still I Fly

Be More Sensual: Increase Sexual Confidence
Zarah and Jenny

 

 

Sensual Synonyms

The notion of sensuality conjures a variety of perceptions. Depending on the context, sensuality can have a positive or negative connotation. Let's consider some of the synonyms associated with the word "sensual" .....  carnal, fleshly, luscious, lush, indulgent, decadent, sensuous, titillating, seductive, tantalizing, luxurious, voluptuous, animal...

Sensuality as carnal or fleshly is defined as having a relation to the body. Used in this way, it more often connotes derogatorily an action or manifestation of a person's lower nature. It describes a person who is a slave to bodily or fleshly desires. It is about gratification of the senses for the sake of aesthetic pleasure. It is an indulgence of and abandonment to physical appetites as ends in themselves.

 

Sensuality is also about experiencing seduction and sexual temptations. It focuses on the indulgence of a bodily desire or pleasure. It commonly implies sexual appetite with absence of the spiritual or intellectual. It refers to animal desires focusing on the physical as distinguished from the rational nature of a person. It is about leading a mindless animal existence.
 

What is Your Sexual Style?
Alice and Nat

Carmilla and Laura: Beautiful Moments

Traits of the Sensually Awake Woman
Kissing With Passion

Judas Kiss: Set Me Free

Queer Salsa

Different Types of Hugs

Zoe and Mal

Love Panky: What Kind of Lover Are You?

Info: Falling in Love

Lora and Kate: Bed of Roses

Black Queer Writers: Queer Sensuality

Heart Love

Romantic Lesbian Love Story

 

 

To Love Somebody

Frankie and Nicolette: Try Me

Izzy and Emma

Beneath the Layers: What is Sensuality?
Carmilla and Laura: For You

Multifemslash: Into You

Michael and Ben

Ellen and Vera

More Beautiful for Having Been Broken

Gin and Rose: Only Love Can Hurt Like This

Fragrances: Sense of Smell

Raquel and Malu

 

 

Passion

 

Passion, simply defined, is a strong sexual or romantic feeling for someone. It is a powerful or compelling emotion or feeling. It is a strong amorous feeling or desire.

Passion can be further described as a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for something.  It is a powerful and barely controllable emotion. It is an extreme, all-consuming, fascination, enthusiasm, or energy. Synonyms include affection, excitement, fervor, zeal, ecstasy, frenzy, rapture, and ardor.

Passion is a feeling of intense enthusiasm towards or compelling desire for someone or something. Passion can be described as an eager interest in or admiration for an idea, proposal, cause, or person. It can also be an enthusiastic enjoyment of an interest, activity, or person. And it can be a strong attraction, excitement, or emotion towards a person. It is an intense emotional heat or hunger. It is particularly used in the context of romance or sexual desire, though it generally implies a deeper or more encompassing emotion than that implied by the term lust. Sensual or romantic tension.

Passions are sometimes defined as penchants, inclinations, desires and aversions carried to a certain degree of intensity, combined with an indistinct sensation of pleasure. Your passion can be anything that simultaneously challenges you, intrigues you and motivates you.  It inspires fierce ambition and deep devotion.

 

Sexy, Sensual, or Intimate?
Aida and Alba

Kissing You, Loving You

Reaching for the Moon: When Birds Kiss

Blame it on the Girls

Nina and Magda

Traits of the Sensually Awake Woman
Francis and Nicholas

Heloïse and Marianne: Sensual Tension

Iris and Mardou

Seniorita: Sensual, Cute, Romantic

Tom Goss: Breath and Sound

Valentina and Juliana

Black Queer Writers: Queer Sensuality

 

 

Emily and Sue

Bianca and Reese: I Can't Help Falling in Love With You

Thai Lesbian Love Fantasy 1

Michael and Ben

Nicole and Hot Aggressive Straight Girl

How to Kiss a Woman

Moves by Bright Light Bright Light

Aisha and Yiren

Somebody to Love

Beneath the Layers: What is Sensuality?
The Photographer and Her Model

Dorrie and Kerry

Tina and Bette: Nights in White Satin

Dancing Scene: Max and Sam

Amara and Maya

Jessica Jones: Kiss and Cello Scene

Pink and Mari

 

 

Libido

 

What is libido?  The term was invented by Sigmund Freud.  It is defined as the psychic energy of the sexual drive as a component of the life instinct and derived from primitive biological urges (as for sexual pleasure or self-preservation) and that is expressed in conscious activity. It can be described as a drive, urge, desire, longing, passion, appetite, or lust.  Libido is a person's overall sexual drive or desire for sexual activity. Libido is influenced by biological, psychological, and social factors.
 

Lust

 

Simply stated, lust is a very strong sexual desire. Lust is a psychological force producing intense desire for an object, person, or circumstance. Usually intense or unbridled sexual desire.  Intense or excessive longing, yearning, appetite, hunger, craving, or eagerness, especially for sex. It's that sexual arousability you get when you glance at someone extremely attractive and you get momentary fantasies about having erotic sex with them. Sexual tension. It has nothing to do with love. Uncontrolled or illicit sexual passion. Lecherousness. Lasciviousness. Among the various manifestations of lust are: Lust for sexuality (libido); Lust for money or power (greed); Lust for food (gluttony); Lust for life (zeal, zest, enthusiasm).

 

 

Thirst

 

Thirst (or thirsty) is new slang. It is the new usage of an old word. Like hunger, thirst is form of lust of or intense want of another person. To thirst for someone is to crave them or to yearn for them.  Another modern use of this slang term is to describe someone who is desperate or overly eager (almost to the point of begging). A thirsty person is constantly looking for a person to date. Thirst (or thirsty) can be defined as a desire, greed, obsession, or lust for an object or person characterized by over eagerness or obsessiveness that is obvious to everyone around you.

 

Horny

 

Horny is a slang term that means sexually excited or desperately wanting to have sex. It is an intense desire for sexual gratification. It means that you are in the mood for sex. Someone who is horny is sexual aroused or stimulated.  Synonyms of horny include turned on, titillated, hot, sexy, lustful, thirsty, salacious, and libidinous.

 

Defining and Identifying Libido Type
Too Close: Gia and Linda

Tutorial: French Kiss

Land of Storms: Fine Line

Cello and a Kiss

Heaven by Troye Sivan and Betty Who

Kissing With Passion

Info: Having Sex

Gay Romance

Anni and Jasmin: Say You Love Me

To Love Somebody

Manuela and Nina

Handsome Man

Heloïse and Marianne: Sensual Tension

Love Me Tender

 

 

Mariah and Tessa

Judas Kiss: Set Me Free

Heart Love

Embrace Your Sensuality: Body Awareness
The Man I Love

Channing-Studville

Laura and Esra: That's When I Knew

Where Silence

Natalia and Majka

Thai Love Fantasy 2

Rock and Archie: Can't Take My Eyes Off of You

Kaito and Toko

Every Breath You Take

Samantha and Taylor: Still I Fly

Be More Sensual: Increase Sexual Confidence

Tina and Bette: Nights in White Satin

Seniorita: Sensual, Cute, Romantic

Ringo and Yannick

She Means Everything to Me

 

 

Relationship Behaviors That Enhance Sensuality

Below are the relationship behaviors that underscore quality relationships in general and sexuality in particular. If the partners in any relationship manifest them, they create a magical backdrop for any personal sexual style.

Timelessness - In order for lovemaking to be as good as it can be, both partners must be in the moment. The body and soul cannot be fully functional if either partner is living in the past or concerned about the future while they are concentrating on each other.

Lightness of Being - Passion expresses itself most beautifully when sexual partners can activate the children within them. Anxiety, insecurity, fear of being hurt, or pent up feelings of anger and suspicion, are feelings that bring people down. Joy, fun, and playfulness cannot thrive in their presence.

Resilience - At any time during courtship or sexual expression, words or actions can innocently happen that can turn someone off. It can be a simple misunderstanding or a new awareness that emerges during any intimate connection. It may be difficult for many people to bounce back when they are sexually open and vulnerable, but it is crucial to be able to explore what may have gone wrong and stay connected if it can be worked out.

 



Courage to Blend - Many people avoid true sexual closeness for fear they will be trapped. They might have been taken advantage of in the past or felt they’d lost part of themselves by giving too much. No matter how much people drop their defenses and allow their vulnerability to show, they will emerge on the other end of an intimate encounter altered in a positive way, but still themselves. The courage to blend fully and experience the reality that we are still separate paves the way for intimacy without fear of loss.
 

Openness to New Experience - The reason many people hold on to what they’ve always known and done is intertwined with the illusion of security. If sexual partners continue to be what they’ve been in the past, they will only continue to create what has been. Past experiences create a similar future if people do not allow any new thoughts or feelings to emerge. Given those repeatedly chosen boundaries, they will end up with similar partners.

Taking risks in sexual encounters does not mean doing something that is uncomfortable or goes against important beliefs. Quality sexual interaction depends on continuous discovery and being exposed to challenges. The courage to ask, to share, and to fully enter the private world of another can greatly enhance the sense of newness and continued sexual expansion.

Tactile Enjoyment of Self and Other - Sexuality is at its best when the senses are alive and full. Touch can be soothing, exciting, or challenging. Taste allows people to sample each other’s uniqueness. Hearing a lover’s sounds of arousal or satisfaction can feel like music. Taking in the musk of a lover’s special odors are an aphrodisiac in and of themselves. Seeing authentically into another’s heart and soul can bring an intertwinement that can make two lovers feel as one.
 

 

Defining and Identifying Libido Type
Too Close: Gia and Linda

Heaven by Troye Sivan and Betty Who

Info: Having Sex

Kissing You, Loving You

Couples: I See You

San Junipero: Black Mirror

Michael and Ben

Fragrances: Sense of Smell

Moves by Bright Light Bright Light

The Photographer and Her Model

Jessica Jones: Kiss and Cello Scene

Honey by Kehlani

Two Korean Girls Fall in Love

Judas Kiss: Set Me Free

Close to You

Nina and Lisa: Something Wild

 

 

She Means Everything to Me

Evening in Berlin

Dancing Scene: Max and Sam

Carmilla and Laura: Beautiful Moments

Chris and Mark

Reaching for the Moon: When Birds Kiss

Different Types of Hugs

Love Me Tender

Heloïse and Marianne: Sensual Tension

Somebody to Love

How to Kiss a Woman

Sara and Lexus

TJ and Cyrus: Can't Help Falling in Love With You

Cristina and Isabel: The Sun and the Moon
Blame it on the Girls

Embrace Your Sensuality: Body Awareness
Nofar and Sarit: Sensual Bachata Dance

The Man I Love

Gia and Linda

Be More Sensual: Increase Sexual Confidence

 

Making it Safe - Consideration, hospitality, and empathy make up the foundation that welcomes another into an environment of comfort. Great lovers never forget that they are anthropological visitors in another’s realm. They enter the experience of the other with respect and inquiry, never assuming their own way is best or trying to persuade others to be someone or something they are not.

Authenticity - Great sexual, sensual, or intimate connection will never be real if either partner is into performing to be accepted or lauded. Trying to look good in the eyes of another by giving up what is true to the self is a one-way ticket to eventual embarrassment. You can only perform for so long. Your body will eventually give you away as it rebels inside and stops you from feeling much of anything. If you commit yourself to becoming a better and better version of yourself, you’ll develop the confidence that comes from the battle scars of heroism. Confident people are, by nature, easier to be with. They are comfortable being exactly who they are without conflict or embarrassment. That presentation opens the door to more comfort in their partners.

Commitment to Loving life - People who see life as an opportunity to risk, to feel, to experience, and to love, are enticing creatures to be around. They enhance every opportunity with their intense desire to be fully present in everything they do. That includes sexual connection.


 

 

Separate Purpose - This is perhaps the least understood and most important quality of sexually successful people. Sexually desirable people are not automatically available, not by contrivance or game-playing, but because they are deeply committed to a purpose that is independent of relationships. When they are connected to the one they care for, they are loving, generous, compassionate, fun, present, honest, and fully authentic. But they cannot be bought or seduced away from that which keeps them sane and whole.

Knights and athletes kneel before their internal gods before they go into action, knowing inside that they must be true to their purpose no matter what losses they may incur. Men of action and women of devotion are the most notable, but commitment to purpose knows no gender.

Most people are much more turned on to lovers who are just a little out of reach. Perhaps it is that they value more of what they must earn anew each time, or that people who come into a relationship already fulfilled have more to give and less to lose. Whatever the reason, people who put purpose above the need to be in a relationship maintain their desirability over time.

 

[Source: Dr. Randi Gunther, Rediscovering Love, Psychology Today, Feb 2015]

 

 

Types of Lovers

--Giver - Selfless lover who constantly gives in the relationship.
--Taker - Constantly takes in the relationship. Always wants things their own way.
--Pleaser - Goes out of their way to please. Unconditional love. Gets pleasure out of pleasing their partner, even if it means giving up on something they want or like.
--Controller - Extremely attentive, but manipulative. Has lots of expectations, demands, rules, and restrictions.
--Selfish Lover - Always ask themselves “what’s in it for me?”

--Actor - Superficial and shallow. Pretends to care. All talk, no action.

--Drama Seeker - Wants thrills and excitement constantly. Picks fights and creates chaos.

--Straying Lover - Easily distracted. Always want more. Quickly gets bored with routine.

--Overlooker - Passive partner. Avoids confrontation. Turns a blind eye to problems and walks away from conflict.

--Helper - Constantly tries to help their partner become better, by supporting them or criticizing them. Behaves like a martyr who sacrifices their desires to help their partner achieve theirs.
--Compromiser - Doesn’t mind giving in for the happiness of the relationship. They give in easily in any argument or discussion just to keep the peace. Happily defers to the decisions of their partner.
--Possessive Lover - Untrusting of you and the rest of the world. Doubts your good intentions.
Feels insecure and threatened by others.
--Jealous Lover - Feels jealous of your success and achievements. Has difficulty celebrating your good fortunes.

--Material Lover - More focused on wealth and luxuries than anything else.
--Brooding Lover - Lost in their own world almost all the time. They want space. They desire being by themselves for several hours. They almost always seem bothered by something.

--Loyal Lover - Devoted. Sticks with their partner through thick and thin. Possess moral principles. Does not cheat or stray. They are emotionally and sexually satisfied
--Passionate Lover - Intense. Almost always on a sexual high. Extremely energetic, enthusiastic, and adventurous.

--Romantic lover - Very caring, affectionate, and amorous. Sweet and loving. Demonstrative and expressive.

[Source: Love Panky]

 

Kissing With Passion
Sexy, Sensual, or Intimate?
Heart Love

Multicouple Lesbian Fanvid: Cosmic Love

Aida and Alba

Tom Goss: Breath and Sound

Masicka: Blessing

Lou and Kenna

Samantha and Taylor: Still I Fly

Kang Ji-woo and Yoon Ji-woo

Traits of the Sensually Awake Woman
Elizabeth and Olive: Forever is Not Enough

Iris and Mardou

Info: Falling in Love

Seniorita: Sensual, Cute, Romantic

She Means Everything to Me

 

 

Love Panky: What Kind of Lover Are You?

To Love Somebody

Black Queer Writers: Queer Sensuality

Lesbian Tango

Leyla and Tala: Losing Sleep

Frankie and Nicolette: Try Me

Somebody to Love

Tia and Nadine

Save Me From Myself: Gia and Linda

Flor and Jazmin

Beneath the Layers: What is Sensuality?
Pink and Mari

 

 

Sensuality and Senses

Truth be told, the more sex we have, the more often it can become a practice of moving through the motions and knowing exactly what turns you and your partner on and we engage the necessary sense needed to get us from A to B without really thinking about it. But guess what? We’re here to tell you that all the rest of those wonderfully underused senses are just dying to be tapped into, helping to enhance not only your pleasure, but your partner's as well. To this end, consider stimulus that is visual, auditory, aromatic, flavorful, and tactile.

Sight - Because sex is so often about touch, we often forget the importance of sight and the role it plays in turning us and our partners on. Visual stimulus can be very tantalizing and seductive. It can be something as simple as leaving the lights on and letting your partner watch you undress or purposely leaving the bathroom door open so that he/she can watch you rub down your body in the shower. Believe us when we say that knowing that his/her eyes are on you will do just as much for you as it does for him/her.

Sound - Utilizing your sense of hearing can come in so many forms that you might want to be careful not to overwhelm your senses. Acoustic delights might include spoken words, falling raindrops, chimes, ocean waves, music, and birds chirping. Start your evening out with some romantic mood-setting music and then, as things rev up, really focus in on the sounds that you and your partner are making (moaning, breathing). If the moment feels right, begin to whisper some of the sexy thoughts that are running through your head into his/her ear. We guarantee it’s likely to send you both crashing over the edge.

 



Smell - As humans, we naturally develop to produce certain smells that will let potential partners know that we are ready to mate but there is also a multitude of ways that we can manipulate our sense of smell to sexier thoughts. Scents like vanilla, musk and sandalwood have the ability (thanks to their closeness to natural human scents) to make us feel more in the mood. Set out a bouquet of fragrant flowers. Light up some candles and place them around the room letting them enhance what your body will naturally do.

Taste - Don’t let anyone tell you that sex has to start (or continue for that matter) in the bedroom. The sexual experience can start well before you and your partner ever come anywhere near a bed. Cook a good meal together, feed one another, and take the time to truly enjoy the flavors of what you are eating. Try aphrodisiac foods like oysters, chocolate, and wine to set the mood for later activities you will under take together.

Touch - As mentioned earlier, touch is our most commonly used sense during sex. But it is also the one we under-appreciate the most. Apart from intercourse, tactile activities include dancing, massaging, hair brushing, and tickling and lots of things we generally think of as part of foreplay. Touch can be intense or playful. Moving your activity outdoors heightens the sense of touch by feeling the rain on your face, the wind across your skin, or the grass against your back. Take your sense of touch to another level by changing textures and experimenting with silk sheets, lace lingerie, a feather boa, or a leather harness. Also, try eliminating your sense of sight. A blindfold or a pair of sunglasses (or turning out the lights so that it is totally dark) can greatly enhance pleasure by allowing you to focus more on every feeling and touch.

[Source: Caitlin O'Hanlon, How to Get Sensual With Your Senses]

 

Defining and Identifying Libido Type
Amelia and Luisita: Romantic Dinner

Too Close: Gia and Linda

Heaven by Troye Sivan and Betty Who

Lica and Samantha: Curious

Honey by Kehlani

Connor and Oliver

Reaching for the Moon: When Birds Kiss

Blame it on the Girls

Info: Having Sex

Bianca and Reese: At Last

How to Kiss a Woman

Moves by Bright Light Bright Light

Love Me Tender

The Photographer and Her Model

Brandon Stansell: Slow Down

 

 

Chris and Mark

Fragrances: Sense of Smell

Sara and Lexus

Embrace Your Sensuality: Body Awareness
Dancing Scene: Max and Sam

The Man I Love

Kissing You, Loving You

Yoon Bok and Jeong Hyang: Painter of the Wind

Judas Kiss: Set Me Free

Gia and Linda

Heloïse and Marianne: Sensual Tension

Different Types of Hugs

Two Women: Tango on a Lake

Kalinda and Lana

Be More Sensual: Increase Sexual Confidence

Land of Storms: Fine Line

Nofar and Sarit: Sensual Bachata Dance

Juliana and Valentina

Boyfriends Beach Getaway

 

Flirting

Flirting can be defined as playful banter between two people. This usually includes a conscious desire to flatter the one being flirted with. Flirting is a core aspect of many relationships today between a boy and a girl, a boy and a boy, or a girl and a girl. Nearly all accounts of flirting include subtle (harmless) sexual innuendos.

Flirting (or coquetry) is a social and sexual behavior involving spoken or written communication, as well as body language, by one person to another, either to suggest interest in a deeper relationship with the other person, or if done playfully, for amusement.

 



In most cultures, it is socially disapproved for a person to make explicit sexual advances in public, or in private to someone not romantically acquainted, but indirect or suggestive advances may at times be considered acceptable.

Flirting usually involves speaking and behaving in a way that suggests a mildly greater intimacy than the actual relationship between the parties would justify, though within the rules of social etiquette, which generally disapproves of a direct expression of sexual interest in the given setting. This may be accomplished by communicating a sense of playfulness, teasing, or irony. Double entendres (where one meaning is more formally appropriate, and another more suggestive) may be used. Body language can include flicking the hair, eye contact, brief touching, open stances, proximity, and other gestures. Flirting may be done in an under-exaggerated, shy or frivolous style.

 



Flirting is being overly nice and friendly to someone. A lot of eye contact and smiling, teasing, and joking around. Flirting is an invitation to play. There is a hint, but no guarantee, of sexuality to it. Its function is to assess the viability of the recipient as a potential mate and/or companion in life’s thrilling dance. And the going out part? That’s the dance floor.

Flirting Explained
Advocate: Gay Flirting Guide
How to Flirt: Flirting Styles
How to Kiss a Woman

Pride: Flirting Tips
Flirting or Just Being Nice
Little Gay Book: Lesbian Flirting
Signs Someone is Flirting With You
After Ellen: Essential Lesbian Guide to Flirting
Psychology Today: Flirting
Cosmopolitan: Women Flirting With Women

 

Foreplay

Foreplay is usually defined as erotic stimulation preceding intercourse. It is a set of emotionally and physically intimate acts between two or more people meant to create sexual arousal and desire for sexual activity. Although foreplay is typically understood as physical sexual activity, nonphysical activities, such as mental or verbal acts, may in some contexts be foreplay. Foreplay can mean different things to different people. Some common sexual behaviors that are considered foreplay are kissing, hugging, sexual touching, romantic talk, whispering, removing clothing, oral sex, certain sexual games, and role playing.

The average times spent on intercourse were 7 minutes and 12 minutes on foreplay for the couples in this survey. Another result of this survey was that the length of desired foreplay for men and women was about the same. In a global study of about twelve thousand individuals from 27 countries and 6 continents, physical foreplay was rated as "very important" for 63 percent of men and 60 percent of women.

 



Foreplay usually comes before intercourse. Clinically, foreplay is referred to as precoital activity. Foreplay can include a lot of different things, like kissing, sharing fantasies, or touching one another’s genitals. The purpose of foreplay is to add to sexual excitement, and, especially for women, to help prepare the body for intercourse by increasing vaginal lubrication. Outercourse is almost the same as foreplay. Both add to sexual excitement and pleasure. And both can lead to orgasm.

 

Foreplay is important for many reasons. It triggers physiological and physical responses that make sexual activity enjoyable and even possible. Foreplay feels good, but it goes deeper than that. Engaging in foreplay helps build emotional intimacy that can make you and your partner feel more connected in and out of the bedroom.

 



Foreplay also lowers inhibitions and relieves stress. It triggers a release of oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin, and increases feelings of affection, bonding, and euphoria. Foreplay literally gets the juices flowing by increasing sexual arousal, which isn’t to be confused with sexual desire, though it can do that, too.

Sexual arousal causes a number of physical responses in your body, including: an increase in your heart rate, pulse, and blood pressure; dilation of your blood vessels, including your genitals; more blood flow to the genitals, which causes the labia, clitoris, and penis to swell; swelling of the breasts and erect nipples; lubricating of the vagina, which can make intercourse more enjoyable and prevent pain.

It doesn’t have to lead to intercourse. Intercourse doesn’t have to be the main “course” or even on the menu if you don’t want it to be. It can actually be the main event! Foreplay can hold its own and be all you need to reach orgasm. And, as long as there’s consent, foreplay can be and include anything you want.
 

Planned Parenthood: What is Foreplay?

How to Improve Sexual Foreplay

Foreplay Explained

Cosmopolitan: Foreplay Described

Sexplanation: Foreplay

Healthline: Things to Know About Sex and Foreplay

Glamour: Foreplay Tips and Ideas

 

Sexy, Sensual, or Intimate: What is Your Sexual Style?

When I ask my patients this question, most of them believe that their personal sexual style is a blend of all three, and they just change the percentages depending on their current partner. Yet, when we take the time to thoroughly examine their sexual history, they are often surprised to find that they’ve developed a very fixed sexual pattern that has held consistent throughout their relationships.

If a person’s sexual signature has been successful in gaining and holding desirable partners, there is little reason to change it. But many people come into therapy wishing their sexual connections were more fulfilling, and don’t quite know why. They are concerned that they have consistently brought the wrong partners to them or their initially hopeful relationships have not had the sexual outcome they desired. They want to be more sexually successful.

 

 

The blend of sexy, sensual, and intimate is profoundly affected by each person’s genetics, social influences, and prior experiences. Childhood sexual trauma, religious suppressions, bad modeling, rejections, losses of love, and thwarted opportunities are some of the filters that can further limit the possibilities of great sexual connection. Fear of emotional or physical exploitation between partners can set up barriers that keep people apart who might otherwise connect. People who understand their own sexual styles, what they need from their sexual experiences, and are open to learning new ways of being have the best chance of becoming more sexually successful.

The first step to reach that goal is to understand how profoundly people are affected by society’s definitions of what is sexy, sensual, or intimate. “Sexy” is a sexual style most often correlated with high-testosterone behaviors. Put two testosterone-driven individuals in a room together who are attracted to each other and pure lust can evolve rapidly. People with these hormonal drivers are into the joy of sex for its own sake. They rarely experience conflict, easily focus on their goals, and feel entitled to their successes. If thwarted, they can be controlling, pushy, or charmingly persistent. But they know what they want and go after it without hesitation or discomfort. And, yes, more men than women have high testosterone, but there are many women who love sex and don’t follow the expected pattern of needing to be in an intimate relationship to enjoy it.

 

 

Defining and Identifying Libido Type
Andrea and Collette

Queer Salsa

Denise and Marilsa: Felize Para Sempre

Too Close: Gia and Linda

Judas Kiss: Set Me Free

Heart Love

Somebody to Love

Heaven by Troye Sivan and Betty Who

She Means Everything to Me

Info: Having Sex

Embrace Your Sensuality: Body Awareness
The Man I Love

Heloïse and Marianne: Sensual Tension

Kissing With Passion

Seniorita: Sensual, Cute, Romantic

Luisita and Amelia: Secret Love Song

Natalia and Majka

Cuddling and Kissing in Chicago

To Love Somebody

Happy Hour

Be More Sensual: Increase Sexual Confidence

Lou and Kenna: From This Day On

Tia and Nadine

El Momento Mas Erotico De Inez

Moves by Bright Light Bright Light

Kissing You, Loving You

 

The person targeted by a high-testosterone individual may initially feel more like an object rather than a sought-after relationship partner, but are still likely to be intrigued by the intensity of the “hunter’s” passion. If their ardent pursuers are imbued with good looks, high status, interesting personalities, financial resources, or great pheromones, they are likely to succeed in getting their potential partner to enjoy the show enough to participate. Sadly, most men and women with high sexual drives are not always able to find willing receivers. Despite their ardor, they can actually drive people away who are not interested in that kind of sexual style.

Sensuality as a sexual signature is the ability to fully experience one’s senses. Smelling, tasting, seeing, hearing, touching, and feeling combine to awaken the body and can strongly contribute to a sexual connection. Sensuality is very affected by the level of stimulation. Each individual has his or her own particular comfort level of which senses are stimulated in which ways, and be aroused or overloaded depending on the level of intensity experienced.

As a result, sensuality is easily affected by another’s sexual style. One person may only be able to feel excitement with a rough, demanding, and intense partner. Another may need a gentler approach that includes a more teasing, tactile touch. What is dramatically arousing to one person may be a total turn-off to another. Smells that are offensive to one partner may be exactly what turns on another. The taste of love juices can be an aphrodisiac or a barrier to deeper connection. Sensuality is very sensitive to the way two people blend. Of the three sexual styles, it is the most sensitive to success or failure.

 



Intimacy is the magic that turns two people into a single emotional and physical entity within their sexual experience. It is the essence of romance. Aching for sexual fulfillment while building desire can greatly enhance the physical connection when it finally happens. Sexual partners who intentionally practice postponing the physical act of sex until they are living in the hearts, minds, and souls of their lovers want to fall more deeply in love before they sexually unite.

Intimate connection allows for, and encourages, any sexual and sensual intertwining that simultaneously includes both people’s desires. When sexual partners create intimacy, both feel emotionally treasured and sexually valued. Both my male and female patients consistently describe intimacy as a feeling of being deeply known, totally accepted, and securely held. Whether they are able to create a long-term relationship or not, they want intimacy to precede each sexual experience. They are simply not willing to make love without feeling cherished and close before they do. Men often are given a bum rap here as people who tolerate courtship rather than choose it. Romantic men are not sexual wimps; they just like a bigger build-up.

There are multiple combinations of the three sexual styles. Sexy and sensual together is most commonly described as erotic. That term is easily imagined: bawdy, steamy, earthy, spicy, titillating, seductive, hungry, delicious, and hot. The combination of sexy and intimate together produces lovers who somehow manage to stay intimately connected while enthusiastically serving their lust. Put sensual and intimate lovers together and you will find that they spend many delicious hours in sharing exquisite, timeless moments before allowing lust’s demands to break the spell of deep discovery.

[Source: Dr. Randi Gunther, Rediscovering Love, Psychology Today, Feb 2015]

 

 

What is Your Sexual Style?
Tina and Bette: Nights in White Satin

Different Types of Hugs

Cancao De Amor Sem Nome

Preparing a Romantic Dinner

Alice and Nat

Heloïse and Marianne: Sensual Tension

Tom Goss: Breath and Sound

Traits of the Sensually Awake Woman
Yoon-ju and Ji-soo

Love Panky: What Kind of Lover Are You?

Zoe and Mal

Info: Falling in Love

Nina and Lisa: Something Wild

Michael and Ben

Nofar and Sarit: Sensual Bachata Dance

 

 

More Beautiful for Having Been Broken

Magda and Nina

Black Queer Writers: Queer Sensuality

Zolita: Explosion

Gay Love

Samantha and Taylor: Still I Fly

Frankie and Nicolette: Try Me

Jessica Jones: Kiss and Cello Scene

Carmilla and Laura: For You

Chris and Mark

Reaching for the Moon: When Birds Kiss

Honey by Kehlani

Gay Romance

How to Kiss a Woman

Beneath the Layers: What is Sensuality?

Love Me Tender

Raquel and Malu

HOME

 


QUEER CAFE │ LGBTQ Information Network │ Established 2017