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QUESTIONING
 

Is Being Gay a Choice?

Wikipedia: Questioning Sexuality and Gender

New York Times: When Teens Question Their Sexuality

Video: When You're a Girl Questioning Your Sexuality

Rules for Exploring Your Bi-Curiosity

Live About: What it Means to be Bi-Curious

Video: How Do I Know If I Am Gay?

What Does it Mean to Be Bi-Curious?

Signs You Might Be a Lesbian

Questioning Your Sexuality

Curiosa

Am I Gay?

 

Curious and Questioning

 

You might have heard people talking about being "gay curious." You may have heard someone say that they were “questioning.”

Being "bi-curious," "gay curious," and "questioning" refer to people who are unsure or uncertain of their sexual orientation or gender identity. Some people question whether they are lesbian or gay. Perhaps they might be bisexual. Others question whether they are straight.

People who are "curious" or "questioning" often go through a period of self exploration. They may feel confused. They may experiment with their feelings and attractions to see what identity would best describe them. They may "test the waters" or try things out in an effort to address their curiosity or confirm their suspicions. 

Bi-curiosity or questioning is a phenomenon (or a phase) in which people of a heterosexual or homosexual identity who, while showing some curiosity for sexual activity with a person of the sex they do not favor, distinguish themselves from the bisexual label. It is a journey of discovery and realization, not choice or invention.

 



According to the Urban Dictionary, a bi-curious person is one who, although untried as of yet, finds themselves curiously attracted to members of the same sex for the purpose of sexual pleasure and experimentation. Typically, a bi-curious person has always been curious about what sex with another woman/man would be like but since she/he had never experienced it, they label themselves as bi-curious.

It describes someone (male or female) who is interested in exploring sex with a member of their own gender/sex but who either hasn't gotten around to it yet or the thought isn't a raging priority. The term is often used by people who are unsure whether or not they are bisexual, homosexual or heterosexual.

 

The term bi-curious is sometimes used to describe a broad continuum of sexual orientation ranging from heterosexuality to bisexuality to homosexuality. The terms heteroflexible and homoflexible are also applied to bi-curiosity.

The term bi-curious implies that the individual has either no or limited homosexual experience in the case of heterosexual individuals or no or limited heterosexual experience in the case of homosexual people, but may continue to self-identify as bi-curious if they do not feel they have adequately explored these feelings, or if they do not wish to identify as bisexual.

 

 

I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It

What Does it Mean to be Bi-Curious?

Things to Keep in Mind When Questioning Your Sexuality

Rules for Exploring Your Bi-Curiosity

Tips for Bi-Curious Guys

Lica and Samantha: Curious

What Does it Mean to Be Bi-Curious?

Questioning Your Sexuality

Dutchy: How to Figure Out Your Sexuality

Video Story: I Thought I Was Gay

How to Defeat Your Fears of Being Gay

Bicurious: Why Experimenting is a Good Idea

Girl Coming to Terms With Her Sexuality

Attracted to Men, Excited by Women

My Dear Friend

How Did You Know You were Gay?

Puberty and Finding Out Who You Are

Quiz: Bisexual or Bi-Curious?

 

 

Questioning and Exploration

"Young people, who are still uncertain of their identity, often try on a succession of masks in the hope of finding the one which suits them... the one, in fact, which is not a mask."

-W.H. Auden

 

"I wasn’t someone who always knew I wanted to hook up with women, but I was curious. And as it turned out, I loved it. But then I wasn’t sure if I wanted to date women, but I tried it and now I’m in the happiest relationship of my life. If I hadn’t made the first decision to explore and see where things went, I would’ve missed out on so much."

-Lea Rose Emery
 

Questioning your sexual orientation, feeling unsure about your sexual orientation, or being "gay curious," is really common and natural for a lot of teens

As one teenage girl said, "I am 16 years old and questioning if I'm gay or not. I'm pretty sure I am but currently have a boyfriend because I really don't know yet."

Sometimes teens can find answers by asking themselves things like:

Who do I usually have crushes on? Is it mainly someone of the same gender? Do I imagine relationships with someone of the same gender? If I have dated or had a sexual experience with someone of the opposite gender, how did it make me feel? If I dated or had a sexual experience with someone of the same gender, how did it make me feel? Do I feel strongly attracted to people of both genders? Do I think you could have a sexual or romantic relationship with either males or females?

If possible, try not to put too much pressure on yourself to come up with an answer right now. You really don't need to rush it. Remember, there is a whole lot of stuff to figure out when you are a teen. It’s perfectly normal if you are still in the process of tying to figure out your sexual orientation.

 

Sexually Confused and Scared

My Dear Friend

Live About: What it Means to be Bi-Curious

Video: How Do I Know If I Am Gay?

Bi-Curiosity: How to Start Experimenting

Tips for Rookie Lesbians and Bisexuals

Wikipedia: Bi-Curious

Things to Keep in Mind When Questioning Your Sexuality

Rules for Exploring Your Bi-Curiosity

How to Defeat Your Fears of Being Gay

Signs You Might Be a Lesbian

Tips for Bi-Curious Guys

Questioning Your Sexuality

What Does it Mean to Be Bi-Curious?

Lica and Samantha: Curious

Heather: How I Knew I Was Gay

Flexuality

 

 

Exploring Your Sexuality

 

Q: I'm about to enter college and female, and, just recently, I've been attracted to a few girls. I also get aroused when I see two women having sex or kissing. I've had three boyfriends in high school, and I think I am still attracted to men. I would really like to experiment with girls to see if I am a lesbian or a bisexual. What should I do?

A: Your willingness to contemplate and possibly explore your sexual feelings and attractions are key to bringing you satisfaction and peace of mind, both in and out of the bedroom (or living room, or car, or wherever you choose). Participating in safe sexual encounters and activities, whether with men, women, or both, can provide wonderful opportunities to learn about your likes and dislikes, passions, and goals. Keep in mind that sex and attraction are just two parts of establishing a healthy relationship. The personality of the other person, how well the two of you interact, and the way you feel about him or her or when you're around her or him may also be major factors you want to consider. It's possible that you might find yourself being attracted to women more often than men, but it might also depend on who the person is, rather than her or his sex or gender.

 



Many people's sexual feelings and attractions can change over the course of their lives. In other words, who you're most attracted to today might not be the same as who you'll be eyeing five years from now. While this may seem to complicate matters, the good news is that you'll have the freedom to explore sexual attractions as they arise. Just because you might experiment with women now doesn't mean you won't ever kiss a man again (or vice versa). Staying in touch with your feelings, and reflecting upon them often, will help ensure that that you are doing what's best for you now and in years to come.

Questioning your sexual orientation or sexual identity is by no means a sign of a problem. However some people do find that speaking with a counselor can help clarify desires, attractions, and issues of identity.

While you may feel confused about your attractions right now, you should know that your feelings are completely normal, as is exploring them. Enjoy!

[Source: Go Ask Alice, Columbia University]

 

Rules for Exploring Your Bi-Curiosity

Video: Realizing I'm Gay

Movies to Watch: Questioning Your Sexuality

What Does it Mean to be Bi-Curious?

I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It

Attracted to Men, Excited by Women

How Did You Know You Were Gay?

Girl Coming to Terms With Her Sexuality

Heather: How I Knew I Was Gay

First Time: Having Sex With Another Woman

Tips for Rookie Lesbians and Bisexuals

What Does it Mean to Be Bi-Curious?

Tips for Bi-Curious Guys

Puberty and Finding Out Who You Are

 

 

Finding Yourself
 

Discovering who you are is an important part of your education and growing up as a human being. And your sexuality is just one of many things you will explore and investigate in your quest to define yourself. Your willingness to question, be curious, and learn is essential to the process of finding yourself. Your ability to gather information, conduct research, and be honest with yourself is vital.

 

Your search for yourself includes a personal understanding of your passions, talents, and values. It includes crafting your philosophy of life and your unique view of the world. It includes pursuing a career and lifestyle that is the right fit for you. It includes exploring your options, developing your competencies, and expanding your mind. And it includes making important choices about your spirituality, politics, and group membership. These things are a matter of making decisions and creating yourself.

 

And your search for yourself also includes an understanding of the unique characteristics you were born with, including your gender, sexuality, race, and ethnicity. While these are not factors about which you have any choice or control, some of them are immediately observable and others must be eventually discovered. These are traits we can describe as hereditary, innate, or inborn. You become aware of the nature of these things through your personal experience and engagement with the world around you. Your awareness in these areas relies on your willingness to be open and honest, your courage to be curious and adventurous, and your capacity to explore the full range of your thoughts, feelings, expressions, and motivations. These essential factors are a matter of coming to terms with who you are and embracing that reality. They are part of a journey of discovery and realization, not choice or invention.

 

So, when it comes to your gender or sexuality, you are not trying to make a decision about your "preferences."  Rather, you are trying to come to an honest awareness of your "orientation" or "identity."

 

[Source: M Lebeau, Affirming Counselor]

 

Rules for Exploring Your Bi-Curiosity

Video: Realizing I'm Gay

Movies to Watch: Questioning Your Sexuality

Heather: How I Knew I Was Gay

What Does it Mean to be Bi-Curious?

I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It

Attracted to Men, Excited by Women

How Did You Know You Were Gay?

Girl Coming to Terms With Her Sexuality

First Time: Having Sex With Another Woman

Tips for Rookie Lesbians and Bisexuals

What Does it Mean to Be Bi-Curious?

Tips for Bi-Curious Guys

Puberty and Finding Out Who You Are

 

Healthy Curiosity is Normal
 

Consider these statistics regarding the attitudes and behaviors of typical college students: 18% of college men say they've kissed another man and 20% of college women say they've kissed another woman. 10% of college students who consider themselves heterosexual say they've fantasized about having sex with a same-sex partner.

According to the American Psychological Association: Adolescence can be a period of experimentation, and many youths may question their sexual feelings. Becoming aware of sexual feelings is a normal developmental task of adolescence. Sometimes adolescents have same-sex feelings or experiences that cause confusion about their sexual orientation. This confusion appears to decline over time, with different outcomes for different individuals.

 

 

According to Dr. Jeffrey Fishberger of The Trevor Project:

Figuring out one’s sexual orientation can be an exciting as well as confusing and scary process, and one that is different for each person. Some people are sure of their sexuality as children, and others as teens. Still others continue to question their sexual orientation as adults.

It’s interesting that when young people state that they are attracted to someone of the same gender, they’re often told, “You’re too young to know,” or, “This is probably just a phase.” Yet if that same young person were to say that he or she is attracted to someone of the opposite gender, no one seems to question this.

The teen years can be a frightening time, as adolescents try to understand the changes in their bodies and their new and different feelings. They’re also working to become more independent and become their own person while, at the same time, struggling to fit in.
 

For a teen who is gay, for example, this struggle can in many instances be that much more difficult, as negative things he has heard or read about gay people can affect his journey of self-discovery. Such negative messages can also hinder teenagers’ acceptance of their sexuality and their comfort with being open with others.

 



In trying to understand sexual orientation, it can help a person to think about who he or she has crushes on and fantasizes about being with. A person doesn’t necessarily need to have a “full” sexual experience in order to understand his or her sexual orientation. The time to explore such issues varies from individual to individual.

It can also be tremendously helpful to have peers and adults who are accepting, supportive and open to talking about this complicated issue. Gay-straight alliances as well as safe, social LGBTQ networking sites can provide support that could be tremendously helpful to a young person trying to understand his or her sexuality.

 

Is Being Gay a Choice?

Video Story: I Thought I Was Gay

Zoosk: What Does it Mean to Be Bi-Curious?

Puberty and Finding Out Who You Are

Cosmopolitan: Bicurious and Experimenting

Wikipedia: Questioning Sexuality and Gender

Men's Health: Tips for Bi-Curious Guys

New York Times: When Teens Question Their Sexuality

 

 

Lesbian Until Graduation

The LGBTQ slang terms lesbian until graduation (LUG), gay until graduation (GUG), and bisexual until graduation (BUG) are used to describe women primarily of high school or college age who are assumed to be experimenting with or adopting a temporary lesbian or bisexual identity during their college years. The term suggests that the woman to whom it is applied will ultimately adopt a strictly heterosexual identity after she leaves campus.

In a 1999 article in the Seattle Weekly, A. Davis related her experimentation with same-sex relationships, and how as a result, she experienced hostility from lesbian friends who pressured her to identify as a bisexual, including one friend who urged her to do so as a political statement, despite the fact that Davis identifies as a heterosexual who merely experimented with women for a brief period. Davis claimed that women who experienced same-sex relationships are more attuned to LGBTQ issues, and more likely to oppose discrimination.

The “lesbian until graduation” is the cultural archetype of a usually white, privileged, overeducated girl who “experiments” with same-sex relationships in college either as part of a rebellion against her parents/hometown/former life as a high schooler with a curfew or as the result of a newfound feminist political consciousness that can only truly be manifested by touching another girl’s vagina.

Its pervasion of mainstream consciousness can perhaps be traced back to the 2003 New York Magazine article “Bi For Now," which uses the term “hasbian” to refer to LUGs in their latter years.

 

Autostraddle: Lesbian Until Graduation

The Cut: I Was a Four Year Queer

After Ellen: The Truth About LUGs

Video: When You're a Girl Questioning Your Sexuality

Rules for Exploring Your Bi-Curiosity

Live About: What it Means to be Bi-Curious

Tips for Rookie Lesbians and Bisexuals

Video: How Do I Know If I Am Gay?

My Dear Friend

Signs You Might Be a Lesbian

Questioning Your Sexuality

I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It

Am I Gay?

 

 

I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It

This was never the way I planned, not my intention
I got so brave, drink in hand, lost my discretion
It's not what I'm used to, just wanna try you on
I'm curious for you, caught my attention

I kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it, I hope my boyfriend don't mind it
It felt so wrong, it felt so right, don't mean I'm in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it

No, I don't even know your name, it doesn't matter
You're my experimental game, just human nature
It's not what good girls do, not how they should behave
My head gets so confused, hard to obey

[Source: Katy Perry]

 

I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It

What Does it Mean to be Bi-Curious?

Lica and Samantha: Curious

Things to Keep in Mind When Questioning Your Sexuality

Rules for Exploring Your Bi-Curiosity

Questioning Your Sexuality

Video Story: I Thought I Was Gay

How to Defeat Your Fears of Being Gay

Dutchy: How to Figure Out Your Sexuality

Attracted to Men, Excited by Women

How Did You Know You were Gay?

Puberty and Finding Out Who You Are

What Does it Mean to Be Bi-Curious?

Quiz: Bisexual or Bi-Curious?

 

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